Rescuing Citigroup from certain doom and presenting the economic team that will lead the U.S. after Barack Obama takes office led to a big bounce on Wall Street today: The Dow gained 396 points, or 4.9 percent, the S&P advanced 6.5 percent, and the Nasdaq was up 6.3 percent. Oh, you wanted some more bad news? Okay, how about this: New York State's comptroller says the financial crisis could cost 225,000 jobs in New York City over the next two years. [Marketwatch]

♦ New York takes a long look in this week's issue at The Box, Simon Hammerstein's infamously sleazy club. Don't read it if you're eating or you're easily offended by tales of snot and/or raw sewage. [NYM]
♦ Fresh trouble for the Cipriani family: The head of the State Liquor Authority, Daniel Boyle, says an aide to Governor Paterson tried to "intimidate" him into renewing the family's liquor licenses. [NYP]
♦ Opening this week: Macao Trading Co., brought to you by the team behind Employees Only; Carroll Gardens' Buttermilk Channel; and Perle on Pearl Street. [NYM]
♦ The Observer has put up its list of top 10 new bars. [NYO]

The global economy might be crumbling, but let us not forget that love still conquers all. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt tied the knot last week in Mexico, Us confirms. And you might just tear up when you hear the tender words Spencer shared with his bride at the ceremony: "You are the light in my life like the sun to the earth! Your loving warmth makes me want to be a better person. Being with you, I feel complete. I'm honored to even be able to call you my wife. You are the most amazing, loving and caring woman on this planet. I will love you forever and always." [Us Weekly]

A few weeks ago, it was reported that Julian Schnabel was stepping out on his wife, Olatz, with Palestinian author Rula Jebreal. Cindy Adams reports today that the artist/filmmaker put his mistress up in his Palazzo Chupi, "maybe a floor away from the missus." You'll undoubtedly be shocked to hear that both Julian and Olatz have now retained divorce lawyers. [NYP]

If you're bored today and interested in watching one of the angrier exchanges on cable news in the last few days, look no further than this angry confrontation over the weekend between Fox News anchor Neil Cavuto and former actor/economist Ben Stein. Who knew Ben Stein was capable of such emotion? [YouTube via Huffpo]

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz named their newborn son "Bronx" last week, as you probably know. In case you're wondering, "Bronx" isn't one of the 1,000 most popular names in the U.S., according to the Social Security Administration. ("Manhattan," "Queens," and "Staten Island" don't make the cut either.) But, believe it or not, "Brooklyn" is now ranked 57th. [City Room]

More trouble seems to be brewing for Steve Rattner, the mega-financier who runs Quadrangle Capital and the man responsible for managing Michael Bloomberg's vast fortune. Last week the firm announced plans to shut down a $500 million hedge fund focused on media investments after the value of the fund declined and investors started demanding their money back. Now comes word that Quadrangle's magazine holdings are in trouble. In 2007, Quadrangle paid $250 million for Alpha Media, the company that publishes Maxim and Blender, and lured Jann Wenner's former right-hand, Kent Brownridge, to run the company. Brownridge departed Alpha in August amid rumors the publishing company was in trouble. Today the Journal reports that the company really is in deep trouble, having fallen behind on its debt payments to Steve Feinberg's Cerberus Capital. Rattner may ultimately be forced to hand over Alpha to the company's creditors. But that's not the only disappointing news that has landed at Rattner's feet in recent weeks.

♦ Alan Colmes, the "liberal" who supposedly serves as co-host of Hannity & Colmes with Sean Hannity, is leaving the Fox News program at the end of the year. [HuffPo]
♦ A daily news program hosted by Christiane Amanpour is in the works at CNN. [NYT]
♦ Despite screwing up nearly everything he touches, NBC golden boy Ben Silverman may see his contract renewed in the next few weeks. [NYM]
♦ USA Today has announced plans to cut staff. [E&P]
♦ Twilight was No. 1 at the box office this weekend, raking in $70.5 mil. [LAT]
♦ Forbes is not being sold to a shady Russian billionaire. [SAI]

You know the economy is in bad shape when a fake Bloomberg News story with the headline "Somali Pirates in Discussions to Acquire Citigroup" starts making the rounds: "The pirates would buy Citigroup with new debt and their existing cash stockpiles, earned most recently from hijacking numerous ships, including a $200 million Saudi Arabian oil tanker." [Bankers Ball]

Anderson Cooper arriving in LA after a flight from NYC ... Ed Westwick leaving his trailer on the Gossip Girl set ... Matthew Broderick helping son James with his scarf in the West Village ... Kiefer Sutherland signing autographs outside NBC ... Kirsten Dunst walking down the street... Katie Holmes getting out of an SUV outside the Schoenfeld Theatre ... Alec Baldwin and Salma Hayek standing on the set of 30 Rock ... Madonna's daughter Lourdes walking with her father Carlos Leon ... Madonna carrying son David into the Kabbalah Center and later visiting a preschool on the Upper East Side ... Twilight star Robert Pattinson leaving his hotel ... Rosie O'Donnell and Becky Newton outside the Conan O'Brien show ... and Alex Rodriguez getting into a cab in Midtown and having lunch with music manager Guy Oseary at Da Silvano yesterday.

Just because your mother is the most important person in fashion, designers fight to dress you, you're top of every party-planner's guest-list, and you had a newspaper column at the age of 18, that doesn't mean the idea of graduating from college and trying to find a job in this economic climate isn't scary: "I finish in May," says Columbia student Bee Shaffer, "and I'm really nervous about the fact nobody's hiring right now." If it helps, Bee, we have a strange feeling—a premonition, even—that someone, somewhere, will take pity on you and offer some lowly little entry-level editorial position, just so you can pay the bills and hold your head high.

Once almost the sole preserve of women who wanted to know if that guy they'd met on Match.com was a trangendered serial killer or the father of their future children, now psychics and tarot card readers are enjoying a whole new client base: Men for whom rational approaches to making business decisions have turned out to be worse than useless, so why not ask the spirits for advice on which investments or real estate to buy and sell?

Hope you didn't try and cheat on your taxes last year or pull some sort of shady maneuver that you were hoping no one would notice. With the state now facing an unprecedented budget shortfall, tax authorities are now pushing people who haven't paid their outstanding tax bills to pay up in a hurry. Ralph Lauren had to hand over $4.18 million in back taxes recently, a debt related to taxes on his Gulfstream jet (photo here), although the fashion mogul says he plans to fight the ruling. Secretive billionaire Ira Rennert has been battling the state over a tax bill imposed on his holding company, the Renco Group, although he's since settled the case by coughing up $1.77 million. And Shelby Bryan, Anna Wintour's boyfriend (and the father of Alexis Bryan), also had to write a hefty check to New York State recently. In August, he handed over $976,222, although the IRS also hit him with a $1.6 million lien for outstanding federal taxes. Looks like Anna may not be able to retire so soon after all!

Georgina Bloomberg's family scrapbook [Page Six Mag]

♦ After listing his 2,900-square-foot condo at 505 Greenwich Street for $5 million in October and then lowering the price by $500,000 just weeks later, James Frey has chopped the price again. The four-bedroom pad is now listed for $3.995 million. [Cityfile, Corcoran]
♦ Sun Capital Partners managing director Gary Talarico and his wife, attorney Linda Filardi, paid $10 million for a six-bedroom duplex at 875 Park Avenue. [Real Deal]
♦ Grammy-winning producer Ric Wake's Cove Neck mansion, which was on the market for $6.5 million for the past year, was reclaimed by Bancorp Bank last week after it failed to attract any buyers at a public auction. [Newsday]

If the economic crash helped usher in a new political era, it has also, no less importantly, caused a quiet revolution in Manhattan dating rituals, at least within the particular group of Wall Street men and golddigger women accustomed to viewing romance as top-rung prostitution. Joshua David Stein of Page Six Magazine goes out into the field ("Meatpacking District hot spot Bistro Bagatelle"), where his anthropological eye identifies as "fake" both the handbags (Louis Vuitton clutches) and the hair (blonde) of three Eastern Euro chicks.

Actress Katherine Heigl celebrated with a big bash last week, but her actual birthday is today—she's 30. Colin Hanks, the actor and son of Tom Hanks, turns 31 today. Actor Billy Connolly is 67. Famed author Arundhati Roy is 47. Dan Glickman, the chairman of the MPAA and a former congressman, is 65. Former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue is 68. And the infamous Linda Tripp turns 59 today.

Silda Wall Spitzer has a new job! According to New York, last month the wife of the former governor joined Metropolitan Capital Advisors, where she will be helping the hedge fund recruit new investors. (If that sounds like an impossible task in this market, consider that she's managed to put up with Eliot for 21 years now.) She's not the only one in the family looking ahead. Supposedly, the former governor is considering writing a book, although it won't address his taste for high-priced call girls or why he wears black socks in bed, unfortunately. The book will address the "root causes of the mistakes that have brought us to the economic precipice," and "take a wistful look at his fourteen-month governorship and its unfulfilled goals."

♦ Amy Winehouse's loving, supporting marriage to Blake Fielder-Civil appears to be over. Now free from police custody, Blake appears to have taken up with a German model named Sophie Schandorff, which means Amy will have to find someone else to fulfill her sex fanatasiesd described as "too gross" to "mention in a newspaper." [P6, NOTW]
♦ Chef Gordon Ramsay has been carrying on an affair with "Britain's most famous mistress" for the past seven years. Allegedly. [NYP]
♦ Michael Jackson and the sheik who sued him last week for $7 million have a reached a settlement. [NYDN]

♦ Following a weekend of non-stop negotiations, a deal is now in place to stabilize Citigroup: The bank will get a $20 billion cash injection from the Treasury Department and the government will guarantee $306 billion worth of toxic assets. [Bloomberg, NYT, WSJ]
♦ The next group in line for a bailout? Home builders, who are now lobbying Congress for a $250 billion stimulus package. [WSJ]
♦ The U.S. economy may need $300 billion and $600 billion more to survive the crisis, says George Soros. [DB]