An unpaid internship at Versace is now up for auction. (The current bid is $3,000.) Ever wish you could hold up Donatella Versace's dress as she squats over a port-a-potty and flicks cigarette ash into the palm of your hand? Now you can! And you can pay for the pleasure! [FWD]

Yesterday was Eric Trump's 26th birthday. And this is the cake that was presented to him at his birthday party last night. Seriously. Why does it feature a machine gun—a Soviet-made AK-47, no less—and what appears to be a bloody, dead bird? We have no idea. (But if Jared Kushner ever finds himself tempted to cheat on Eric's big sister, it should serve as a handy reminder why that may not be such a hot idea.) Another photo of the cake is below.

Two bits of advice: If you get on a plane, begin chanting loudly in Arabic, and then shout out, "I want to kill all the Jews," it's unlikely you'll make it to your destination on time. On the other hand, if you strip off your clothes and run in front of the White House naked, you will earn a free trip for your troubles, although whether you want to spend a night at a local hospital undergoing a psych evaluation is entirely up to you.

As if New York Times staffers didn't have enough on their minds what with all the recent layoffs and the gloominess that hangs over the newspaper industry, the paper now has a new enemy to concern itself with: foodborne bacteria. The Times is now looking into whether several employees came down with food poisoning after eating in the company cafeteria and has closed the kitchen as a precaution in the meantime. [NYO]

Arpad "Arki" Busson sneaking out of ex-fiancée Uma Thurman's Village townhouse yesterday, shortly before Thurman made her exit as well ... Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie running errands in Midtown during the day and heading into Alto on Madison Avenue for dinner ... Catherine Zeta-Jones leaving her apartment building ... Kelly Ripa getting in a cab with her son ... Kathy Griffin shooting scenes for Law & Order: SVU with Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay ... Jessica Szohr walking to the set of Gossip Girl at Silvercup Studios in Queens ... Jessica and Ashlee Simpson going to dinner last night ... Katharine McPhee arriving at her hotel ... and Jersey Shore's Snooki and J-Woww posing for pics in the Flatiron District.

• The townhouse once occupied by Luke and Julie Janklow has finally found a buyer. The divorcing couple put the home located at 16 West 12th Street on the market nearly a year ago for $24.975 million. Now real estate developer Ara Hovnanian and his wife Rachel, who sold their sprawling co-op at 820 Fifth Avenue late last year, have reportedly closed on a deal to purchase the 25-foot-wide home. The manse had been listed most recently for $17.95 million. [NYP, BHS, previously]
• Bankrupt gallery owner Larry Salander has cut $1 million off the price of his townhouse at 63 East 82nd Street. The 9,200-square-foot manse, which the alleged art swindler bought for $4.75 million in 2004, was originally listed for $25 million before it was was dropped down to $15.995 last April. It's now listed for the bargain basement price of $14.995 million. [Cityfile, LJG]
• Two neighboring units at the Time Warner Center have come on the market for a combined $57.5 million. Psychic company founder Steven Feder has put his four-bedroom, 75th-floor apartment on the market for $34.95 million (or $10.47 million more than what he paid for it in 2008). Meanwhile, his downstairs neighbor, venture capitalist Doug Von Allmen, his duplex pad on the market for $18.45 million. The apartments can be purchased separately. Or you can combine 'em for a $4.1 million premium. [NYP]

That was quick. Yesterday, the Times revealed that stores like H&M destroyed unsold merchandise rather than give it to the needy. Now the Swedish retailer says it plans to make sure it doesn't happen again, since it isn't the company's "standard practice." [NYT, previously]

New York City may have the financial resources to loan out the NYPD to Bermuda. But protecting the city when 9/11 terror suspects arrive here from Guantanamo Bay for their trials? Not so much. The mayor says it will cost $216 million to pay for stepped-up security during the first year, and the city is going to need some serious help from Washington to pay for it. [AP]

• The Casey Johnson saga continues: Yesterday, Nicky Hilton and Bijou Phillips, both of whom were pals of the late heiress, showed up at Tila Tequila's house to take possession of Casey's two dogs. A screaming fight ensued, and the police had to be called in to mediate, since Tequila claimed the two women were taking away the canines to be euthanized. There's some bizarre video of Tila acting crazy, if you're interested. [NYP, NYDN, TMZ]
• Peter Orzsag, the seemingly straight-laced White House budget director (and the owner of the worst toupee in Washington), has been hiding a little secret. It seems he got engaged to ABC News correspondent Bianna Golodryga a few weeks ago only after dumping his previous girlfriend, shipping heiress Claire Milonas, who happened to be pregnant with their baby at the time. [NYP]
• Speaking of embarrassing White House news, Tareq and Michaele Salahi, the fameseeking couple who crashed the state dinner back in November, will be collecting $5,000 to host a party at a Las Vegas club next week. [P6]
• The reason Howard Stern regular, Artie Lange, was hospitalized recently: He tried to commit suicide by stabbing himself nine times. Surgeons managed to save him "despite heavy bleeding." [P6]
• Jersey Shore will be coming back for a second season—or at least that's what one of the cast members is now saying. In the meantime, the crew will continue to collect appearance fees for showing up at bars and clubs. Prices range from $3,000 to $7,500 a piece, or you could pay $30,000 for the whole bunch. And just think of all the hair gel that could buy! [NYDN]
• Lady Gaga has signed a deal with Polaroid to become the brand's "creative director and inventor of specialty products." It's a touch unclear what this will entail exactly, but she may develop "imaging products" for the company and market a line of Gaga-branded cameras and accessories. [People, NYP]

Katie Couric turns 53 today. Nic Cage is turning 46. Rolling Stone founder Jann Wenner is 64. CSI: Miami star David Caruso is turning 54. Professional golfer (and former Celebrity Apprentice contestant) Natalie Gulbis is 27. Singer Kenny Loggins is turning 62. And Dustin Diamond, the man who so memorably played Screech on the TV show Saved by the Bell, celebrates his 33rd birthday today.

• The week in reviews: Sam Sifton of the Times calls Casa Lever "deeply likable" and gives it two stars; Gael Greene heads to the Breslin; The New Yorker's Andrea Thompson weighs in on Joseph Leonard in the West Village; and GQ's Alan Richman recounts a couple of disastrous dinners at Sparks.
• Another day, another new Danny Meyer project: Meyer's Union Square Hospitality is taking over the restaurant at the Whitney Museum. [NYT, WSJ]
• Steve Hanson's second Bill's Burger is Rockefeller Center-bound. [Eater]
• Michael White has signed a lease to open a trattoria in the Lafayette Street space that once housed the scandal-plagued bar/club The Falls. [Eater]
• Aspen on West 22nd Street has closed for good. [BlackBook]
• A preview of next week's Tavern on the Green auction kicked off today. [NYT]
• The Post's Steve Cuozzo laments the recent closings of three landmarks: Tavern on the Green, Rainbow Room and the Plaza Palm Court. [NYP]
• Hoteliers are hoping brand-name chefs boost business in 2010. [TRD]
• The Soho club Greenhouse has been sued for discrimination—again. [NYDN]
• Did you know there's a global tea shortage? There is. [Bloomberg]

[January 2. Photo: Flickr/joelmaxey]

New York City's economy must really be on the mend. Mercedes is planning to construct a ginormous 333,000-square-foot flagship on 11th Avenue, which it's hoping will set "the style standard for all other Mercedes dealers around the country." Alas, Jay-Z and Beyoncé will have to wait a bit before they can head to the futuristic, glassy showroom to pick up their next Maybach: It won't open its doors until the beginning of 2011. [NYT]

• It's a new day at Condé Nast. The mag giant's chief exec, Chuck Townsend, has gone from firing staffers to giving them motivational speeches. [NYO]
• In Touch's editor quit yesterday, reportedly because he wasn't happy that his bosses wouldn't agree to increase his $750,000-a-year salary. [NYP]
• Is MSNBC's Ed Schultz thinking about running for Senate? [HP, The Hill]
• A draft of the script for the third Twilight film has been leaked online. [WSJ]
• Fox's latest reality show, Our Little Genius, is stirring up controversy. [NYT]
• It looks like Sam Mendes will be directing the next James Bond movie. [MTV]
• Advertising: Hanes is pulling its TV ads featuring Charlie Sheen. [People]
• Taylor Swift's "Fearless" was the No. 1 selling album of 2008. In other Taylor-related news, Taylor Lautner is now the highest paid teenager in Hollywood.
• "Newspaper reporter" is officially one of the worst jobs in America. [HP]

Members of the NYPD's Gang Unit will be heading to Bermuda to help its police force solve several gang-related shootings that have "rocked the island" recently. Did the fact that Mayor Bloomberg happens to have a lovely weekend home in Bermuda (above) factor into the decision? It certainly seems that way. Bermuda's minister of public safety tells a local paper that Bloomberg contacted the Premier of Bermuda personally to offer up the NYPD's assistance: "He rang the Premier, as a resident of Bermuda and someone who has a keen interest in the safety of Bermuda. He is a friend. He said, 'We probably can help. Get your Commissioner to talk to the head of our Gang Unit.'" Too bad Bloomberg never picked up a castle in Darfur. All that genocide would have been over in no time! [Village Voice, Bermuda Sun]

After much debate, officials in Nevada have (finally!) given a brothel the official go-ahead to begin hiring men. If you're between 21-40, you're "service oriented," and you "have a positive attitude"—and the idea of moving to rural (but scenic!) Nevada and living in a trailer doesn't put you off—apply within.

It's a good thing Citigroup repaid that $20 billion it owed the U.S. government on December 14. If it hadn't, some people might be a tad ticked off to hear that on December 30, the bank paid John Havens, Citi's investment banking chief, $9 million for his stellar work in 2008, making him the broken bank's highest-paid employee for the year. [WSJ]

If you weren't invited to Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich's $5 million New Year's party in St. Barts—or you were invited but you elected to spend the evening in Times Square with a blue foam hat strapped to your head instead—here's some of what you missed. [Gawker]

What do you think retail chains like H&M do with all the perfectly good clothing that they don't manage to sell? If you guessed "slash it to shreds and dump it in the garbage," give yourself a prize.

Newark Airport turned into a mess on Sunday when an unidentified man strolled into an area reserved for screened passengers. The episode led to an evacuation of Terminal C and delayed thousands of travelers for hours. So how did the guy get past security personnel? The TSA guard at the exit was "chatting on his cell phone at the moment of the trespass." Naturally. [NYDN, NYDN]