Did you fly in or out of Kennedy Airport this morning and find yourself delayed for a good hour and a half or so? There's a good explanation for that. One of the runways was shut down after a pilot reported running over some turtles, and wildlife control workers later had to remove 78 diamondback turtles who'd positioned themselves on the runway because they were "looking for friends of the opposite sex. Yes, it's turtle mating season. And, yes, turtles were responsible for screwing up your schedule today. [NYP]

Many people have criticized The Huffington Post for not paying its writers. But Ken Lerer, who co-founded the site with Arianna Huffington and remains the company's chairman, sure has one heck of a generous streak. Last week, we noticed that Joey Bartolomeo, a senior writer at People and frequent TV talking head, had purchased an apartment on the Upper East Side. What was strange was that Bartolomeo didn't buy the $1.025 million co-op on her own. Lerer's name appeared on the property documents as well. And it turns out that Joey isn't the first member of the Bartolomeo family to have benefited from Lerer's largesse. Bartolomeo's older sister, Stephanie Bartolomeo, picked up a $1.25 million co-op on the Upper West Side back in March. And once again, Lerer co-signed for the apartment.

The Brooke Astor trial has been delayed. Again. Astor's son, Anthony Marshall, had to be rushed to the hospital today after he fell in the men's room, hit his head, and reported feeling dizzy. The bad news is that the trial has been suspended indefinitely. The good: Once his trial is over, Marshall will get to come back as the plaintiff in a slip-and-fall personal injury suit against the city. [NYDN, previously]

• How many networks covered the Jackson memorial? Count 'em yourself: ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, HLN, MTV, VH1, VH1 Classic, VH1Soul, BET, E!, TV Guide, TV One, Univision and Telemundo. [AdWeek]
• The WSJ is planning a weekly New York-only arts-and-culture section. [NYO]
• Condé Nast will launch a version of GQ in China in October. At last! [NYT]
• The view from Sun Valley: Barry Diller doesn't think Twitter is ever going to make any money. But Disney chief Bob Iger says we're all going to be paying for online content in the near future. So everyone is in agreement. [WSJ, WSJ]
• OK!'s $500K cover of a dying Michael Jackson wasn't a big hit. [DF]
• The New York Times has pulled down a gallery of photos that had been digitally manipulated, presumably without its knowledge. [E&P]
• Coming in 2010: An entire cable channel devoted to Olympic sports. [THR]
• The adult entertainment industry is phasing out "narrative arcs" and dialogue, and it's supposedly because the Internet has shortened attention spans. [NYT]

Not only is Karl Lagerfeld not planning to retire until the day he has to be hauled out of Chanel's offices in a bodybag, he also isn't going to restrain himself from making bitchy comments to reporters. A couple of weeks ago, the Kaiser staged a verbal assault on Heidi Klum and Seal. Today he delivers a milder attack on Audrey Tautou, who stars in Chanel's new TV commercial for Chanel No. 5, but had the audacity to suggest recently that she doesn't actually wear the label from head-to-toe every day. Karl's response? Among other things, he says he wishes he'd recommended Penelope Cruz for the perfume campaign instead. [WWD]

Last week, Ezra Merkin, the disgraced financier who funneled a couple of billion to Bernie Madoff and has since been slapped with civil fraud charges, agreed to give up his prized collection of art as part of a deal with the attorney general's office. Like you, we found the news deeply troubling. Can you imagine what it must be like to spend years buying up one priceless Rothko painting after another, only to have Andrew Cuomo come along and run off them? Not fun! As always, though, we're here to help: We just sent a lovely Rothko poster to Merkin at his 740 Park Avenue duplex. Just because you aided and abetted the biggest crook in American history doesn't mean you should have to stare at bare walls all day!

Was the absurd stalemate in Albany not quite enough drama for you? Great, because more of it is coming your way: "In a shocking and legally questionable effort to end the month-old Senate stalemate, Governor Paterson is considering naming a lieutenant governor today during a 5 p.m. televised address, sources said. Such an appointment would defy the advice of the state's attorney general and decades of accepted legal wisdom that a vacancy in the office of lieutenant governor could not be filled until the next statewide election." [NYP]

A man who spent 10 weeks as an alternate juror in the trial of Brooke Astor's son but was removed last week for unknown reasons, is now speaking out. If you were thinking the parade of famous faces on the witness stand would have had an influence the jury, well, that doesn't seem to be the case. Frank Waring, a retired maintenance worker, says the whole thing has been bewildering more than anything else: "Mr. Waring said he was sure of two things: The trial was confusing, and it was exhausting. 'You don't know who's doing what or who's telling the truth,' he said. 'To me, it's a very confusing trial.' [NYT]

It's hard keeping all the blonde Voguettes named Lauren apart, isn't it? The Post reports today that real estate honcho Michael Hirtenstein has gone into contract to sell his Gramercy Park South townhouse to "newlyweds Lauren DuPont, a Vogue staffer, and Andres Santo Domingo, a billionaire Colombian heir." If that took you by surprise and you wondered if Dupont and Santo Domingo had left their respective spouses to get married and buy a new home, well, worry not.

When we noted Stewart Rahr's fondness for yellow sunglasses a couple of weeks ago, we had no idea that the pharmaceutical mogul (and 227th richest man in America) was planning to spread the trend. But he clearly is, since he managed to get Bill Clinton to wear a pair the other day. After the jump, a photo of one of Rahr's other recent conquests. Michael Phelps and Donald Trump: You're up next.

• Richard Bressler, a managing director at the private equity shop Thomas H. Lee Partners and the former CFO of Viacom, has gone into contract to sell his duplex at 850 Park. The five-bedroom apartment, which Bressler purchased for $9.75 million in 2005, had been on the market since March and had been priced most recently at $13.5 million. [Cityfile, Corcoran]
• Mortgage company founder Steven Schnall and his wife Sherri have dropped the price of their massive townhouse at 2 North Moore Street less than three months after putting it back on the market for $33 million. The 11,000-square-foot mansion is now listed with Deborah Grubman for the bargain price of $29 million. Get it while it's hot! [Cityfile, Corcoran]

The first Jackson-related book was published last weekend—apparently two Chinese writers "slaved for 48 hours straight," subsisting "on a diet of coffee and cigarettes" to finish it. But a quick look at Publishers Marketplace indicates many more are on the way, including one that will be on sale as early as next week. Let the feeding frenzy begin:

Kevin Bacon turns 51 today. Milo Ventimiglia of Heroes fame is turning 32. Beck is 39. Celeb chef Wolfgang Puck is 60. Real estate developer David Walentas is turning 72. Paul LeClerc, the president of the New York Public Library, turns 64. Hedge fund manager Dwight Anderson turns 41. Actor Billy Crudup is turning 41, too. Anjelica Huston is 58. Country singer Toby Keith is 48. Actor Jeffrey Tambor turns 65. Columnist-turned-author Anna Quindlen is turning 57. Actress Sophia Bush is 27. And singer Joan Osborne turns 47 today.

• Sharon Stone is denying reports she was detained by the police after she getting into a fight with a flight attendant on a trip to Salt Lake City. Yes, she says, she did get into an argument, but the cops who met her when her plane landed were just there to protect her from hoardes of "autograph seekers." That makes sense! [Independent]
• Count Alex de Lesseps is throwing cold water on the rumor he's reuniting with his wife, "Real Housewife" LuAnn de Lesseps. [P6]
• Beyoncé comes out on top of Forbes' new list of top-earning celebs under the age of 30. The triple-threat is estimated to have brought home $87 million over the past year. [Mirror]

• Not only is Karl Lagerfeld not planning on retiring, he tells Cathy Horyn that he's staying at Chanel until he dies. Also: He says the blogger who started the rumor that he's stepping down "is an idiot." [NYT]
• The Jackson clan all wore Versace to the memorial service today, in case you were wondering. [InStyle]
• Roberto Cavalli is launching a made-to-measure service that will offer handmade dresses at prices starting at $41,000. But only 35 pieces will be produced. Act fast! [WWD]
• There's uncertainty in the world of haute couture these days. Shocker. [NYT]
• W catches up with the Rodarte ladies. [W]
• The super-successful Saks saleswoman who lined her own pockets via fake refunds and store credits was sentenced to three months in prison. [NYP]
• Several ex-employees of Scoop are suing the chain for labor violations. [CNY]
• The Calvin Klein Jeans billboard on Houston is now even less risqué. [BB]

• Rumor has it the end may be near for Marcus Samuelsson's Aquavit. [TFB]
• Café Noir, on the other hand, will live on. Following reports the Soho spot would be forced to close its doors this summer comes word that the owners have convinced their landlord to renew their lease for another year. [Eater]
• Danyelle Freeman of the NYDN gives four out of five stars to Andrew Carmellini's "thoughtful and imaginative" cooking at Locanda Verde. [NYDN]
• Philippe Bertineau, the executive chef at the now-shuttered Payard, speaks out about the UES pâtisserie/bistro's untimely demise. [TONY]
• Butcher Bay, the seafood spot in the East Village, has filed suit against Community Board 3 over its decision to deny it a liquor license. [Eater]

The Guardian's Paul Collier has proposed a brand new crime (and a brand new word): bankslaughter: "With bankslaughter, when the bank blows up—even if it is a decade later—a criminal investigation traces back to determine whether crucial decisions were reckless. If a reasonable banker faced with the information available at the time would not have taken those risks, the person responsible is dragged off the golf course and jailed." Clusterstock's John Carney thinks this may just be the dumbest idea ever and should be "nipped in the bud before some populist lawmaker tries to make a garden party out of it." In the meantime, if you see Jimmy Cayne, Chuck Prince, or Dick Fuld on a golf course tomorrow and they look a little queasy, now you know why. [Guardian via Clusterstock]

The Michael Jackson memorial is over, the 20,000 people who attended the event at the Staples Center have long since returned home to cry into their pillows, and the millions more tuned into the spectacle via TV and the Web have gone back to watching the usual—sitcoms, crappy reality programming, and Internet porn. The spectacle is expected to go down as one of the most-viewed events in history. (A few people less than the "several billion" predicted by Jackson family flack Ken Sunshine this morning, but still.) But just because the memorial is over and Jackson has been laid to rest (or has he?) doesn't mean you can't keep Jackson's memory alive in your hearts. And on your skin. Have you been thinking about a Michael Jackson memorial tattoo? You are not alone! [Buzzfeed]

Jeffrey Epstein, the shadowy money manager who pleaded guilty in 2007 to soliciting underage teen girls for sex, is expected to leave a Florida prison in a couple of weeks. (Not that he's been spending much time behind bars in recent months: As part of a work-release program, he's been allowed to leave the jail from 10am to 10 pm, six days a week, to "work" out of his "office" in West Palm Beach.) But while Epstein has something to be cheerful about these days, one of his old acquaintances was handed a major defeat last week. Maximilia "Ava" Cordero, the transgender teenager who sued Epstein and claimed she'd been forced to engage in "bizarre and unnatural sex acts" with the billionaire in exchange for his help advancing her career as a model, just lost her libel and defamation lawsuit against the New York Post.

Not that you'd ever need one to make a call, of course, but if you happen to be a film location scout and you're looking for an old phone booth to capture the look of a pre-cell phone NYC (or you just enjoy changing your clothes in them à la Superman), do note that that there are only four of them still standing in Manhattan. [Scouting NY via Gothamist]