Today, a man named Al Hoffman has a column in The USA Today, the paper of record of America’s airports. At the bottom of the column, it is noted that Hoffman was once George W. Bush’s ambassador to Portugal, just so you get a feel for the type of person we’re dealing with here. Hoffman, as he writes in the column, spent the last several months fundraising for Jeb Bush’s too-big-to-fail presidential campaign, which, of course, failed spectacularly.

The Senate is voting on a constitutional amendment today that would reverse the 2010 Citizens United v. FEC Supreme Court decision and place restrictions on corporation's campaign finance spending, and the very idea would have a chilling effect on free speech, high-functioning maniac Ted Cruz says. Also: It could send Saturday Night Live creator Lorne Michaels to jail!

An activist apparently managed to smuggle the first-ever known video recording of a Supreme Court hearing out of the storied building and posted it to YouTube yesterday as part of a protest against the court's pro-corporate Citizens United ruling.

Since the beginning of the government shutdown, radical Republicans have dictated the agenda for the rest of their party, unilaterally steering their party towards a prolonged shutdown in the effort to defund Obamacare. In day six of the closure of the Federal government, the cause of this rule by minority is becoming clear: the 2010 Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission Supreme Court decision.

When you went to Wal-Mart today, you probably could not help but notice that the store was sad. That is because on Tuesday Montana voters overwhelmingly voted to deprive them of their humanity. Initiative 166 was passed with 75% of the vote, and states that corporations are "not entitled to constitutional rights because they are not human beings." The initiative was on the ballot due to the United States Supreme Court's decision in Citizens United, which held that corporations are cuddly people just like you and me, and are entitled to drop limitless amounts of money into political campaigns.

Rick Perry is still trying to convince Iowa voters that he's the most socially conservative candidate this godforsaken planet has ever seen, in his last ditch-attempt to get anyone to vote for him. We all remember when he was like, why are gays in the military when something something children Christmas Jesus? Then he pounced on his wife, putting her in her place. And now he's announcing that he's upgraded his anti-abortion club membership, after watching a movie about ladies.

Considering that Newt Gingrich's typical campaign stop is a book signing or a movie premiere, and that he's Newt Gingrich, one of our nation's more shameless specimens, many have wondered whether, perhaps, this odd 2012 presidential run was merely a promotional stunt for the Gingriches to sell more of their dime-store wingnut porn. This latest outside-group ad that's running in Iowa goes a long way towards confirming that.

Citizens United, the conservative production company behind ACLU: At War With America, the Tea Party Trilogy, and the permanent destruction of the last trace of democracy in America, has put together its latest DVD dealy starring Newt and Callista Gingrich! A City Upon The Hill: The Spirit of American Exceptionalism also features cameos from Andrew Breitbart, Michele Bachmann, and incoming president for life, Donald Trump. It's about how lovely this country is and why liberals don't get that and want to make it more like the evil socialist countries in Yurp. Newt doesn't do full frontal, but there's definitely some nip action. [via Ben Smith]

Conservative production company Citizens United has released this post-"Don't Ask Don't Tell" ad, warning effete liberals (and Lady Gaga) that they'll all get drafted after the current Marines quit in protest. Exactly! This was Joe Lieberman's plan all along.

Did you know that 2010 is the Year of the Conservative Woman? Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, whoever else: all conservative, and female, and in the news. Now the conservative filmmakers at Citizens United will commemorate them with a new documentary!