Yesterday was "Take Your Butler to Court" day over at the ongoing Astor trial, where 85-year old Anthony Marshall stands accused of bilking his Alzheimer's riddled mother, Brooke Astor, out of millions. Astor's butler, Chris Ely—who once worked for Queen Elizabeth (a coincidence Joanna Malloy has magically massaged into a strange column about the similarities between ne'er-do-well mamas' boys Marshall and Prince Charles)—testified, explaining, among other things, why you really don't want to be a butler: Being forced to go on emergency runs for "nighties, underwear and bedwetting pads."