In a time older than dirt, before kids carried $500 worth of sext computers in their pockets, my mom always used to drop me off at the same place at the "snooty mall" when she did Christmas shopping. Big department stores would have a couch, grand piano and Christmas tree, and I'd sit with a book, waiting until she came back, listening to Christmas carols and the occasional wise-guy pianist playing something from Looney Tunes.

Meet Jamie Granato. Lately he's been spending his days in a trailer parked on the side of a road in Greenpoint, peeing into a bottle and dumping it onto the street. His day jobs include running a record label and selling Christmas trees. Animal New York reports,

A special message for you Christmas celebrators: This year, when using your helicopter to set up and decorate your tree, try not to fly close to any structures. Otherwise, your propellers might get caught and cause you to have a crash in which you die. That would ruin Christmas!

Let's call it the Rich Uncle Pennybags debate. Tonight, Our Losers will square off in their first presidential debate in weeks, hosted by CNBC. It promises to be a banner night for plutocrats, and is intended to focus entirely on economic issues — specifically, how to stop the War on Wealth. What horrors await?

[The Obamas had front row seats alongside Santa at the National Christmas Tree lighting in D.C. last night. Image via AP]

The White House has released the following video of its staff decorating their Christmas tree. Not bad, but just one question: is this where the Obamas will celebrate Christmas morning?

The Capitol has selected its 2010 National Christmas Tree from a Wyoming forest! Park rangers, however, are worried about vandals cutting it down and "must figure out how to obscure its exact location within the 3.4 million acre park." Impossible.

A Christmas tree is synonymous with the holiday season as much as gift-giving overload; fun but mildly dysfunctional family get-togethers; and otherwise cringe-worthy but enjoyable "seasonal" music. But do you know where your tree comes from?

We know in-laws suck, but that's no reason to debase their memories by swatting their urns with coniferous evergreens! Sure is funny, though.

If you insist on chopping down your own Christmas tree this year, make sure it's not going to fall on and crush your home.

BigLips Lohan's claim of rescuing Indian children? Notsomuch. A Christmas tree at Hotel Griffou takes one for the team. Kardashians: God hates you. Halle Berry's still hot. And #servicey! Patti Smith: hotness. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup.