We return you live to the frontlines of the Dark Knight Dark Publicity™ campaign, where the comely star of the highest-opening movie of all time—we swear we're looking for any photo that registers less than "sweltering" on the Bat-Hunk Meter, and coming up short— is facing down his most formidable foe yet: His professional clown mother, Momzo. Here's all the latest:
· The Daily Mail is reporting that Bale "flew off the handle" when his mother said "some outrageous things" about the actor's wife, makeup artist Sandra "Sibi" Blazic. He responded by calling her some very heated, un-Batmanly-like things, and was charged with Class 5 verbal assault, the least aggravated of all verbal-assault classes. (Class 1 is when you start entering the "You farty nincompoop!!!"-area. Thank god he didn't go there.) [Fox News]

• Madonna heard about her brother Christopher Ciccone's tell-all book, so she emailed him "Call me." He was all, "Hello? I don't respond to commands anymore." Besides, writing the book "was like a giant fucking orgasm." [Observer]

• Ron Perelman isn't interested in quietly settling his custody dispute with Patricia Duff. Not surprisingly, he's not interested in going to therapy with her either, despite a judge's recommendation. [Page Six]

It was the Blockbuster Scandal That Ate the Morning! There it was, splashed across the pages of every paper from The Gotham Times to the Gotham Mirror: Batman was behind bars for allegedly attacking his own sister and mom—in a sense turning him into the very kind of societal ill he'd committed his life to ridding using a wide variety of bat-shaped objects. Out on bail and charged with no crime, Bale's lawyer told reporters the accusations aren't true:

In light of his recent assault troubles (which, incidentally, he denies), our lovely video folks have put together a little compilation of Christian Bale at his most raging. Of course there's the infamous offing of Jared Leto in American Psycho oh and look! There he is as Batman, wailing on Heath Ledger's serpentine Joker. Click through to watch the (NSFW, probs) video, plus get a little bonus from me.

The unstoppable Dark Knight Dark Publicity&trade campaign—what Terry Gilliam describes as a "great white shark which devours whatever it can"—continues to feed hungrily on bad-news chum. We're still waiting for more specific details on what Christian Bale did, exactly, to his mother Jenny, 61, and sister Sharon, 40, that led the two to file assault charges against the actor, ultimately leading to his arrest today at London's Dorchester Hotel. As The Sun first reported, the actor, in town for the European premiere The Dark Knight, "lashed out" at the family members at the hotel Sunday night. Both lodged a complaint yesterday, but officials apparently held off for Bale to attend a series of press conferences and last night's premiere in Leicester square. A police spokesperson would only offer: "A 34-year-old man attended a London police station on Tuesday by appointment and was arrested in connection with an allegation of assault. He currently remains in custody."

• Dark Knight star Christian Bale is accused of assaulting his own mother and sister. Police apparently waited to question Bale about the incident because "it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere." Yes, one wouldn't want to interrupt the celebration of a fictional vigilante crime fighter with an awkward attempt to, you know, fight crime. [Sun]

• Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner may be back together, possibly because Ivanka has agreed to convert to Judaism if the relationship gets serious. [Page Six]

The Dark Knight's record-breaking opening left us entranced by not only its tsunami of cash, but also by the news, commentary and other unclassifiable phenomena we spotted in its wake around the Web. For your Monday morning convenience, here's a glimpse at what the biggest three-day box-office weekend in history will get you:

Until today, we didn't really know Mamma Mia! had any competition for the weekend's gay-readiest cinematic treat, with the most recent evidence stretching the film's ABBA creds to recommend tips for building your own home disco. Classy, no? But a few Dark Knight contrarians are out there, subverting the conventional wisdom ("Is Mamma Mia! the gay Batman?") and giving the musical's loyalists a run for their gay money:

After surviving months of Dark Knight hype, viral outreach and tastefully overblown praise for late co-star Heath Ledger, Defamer finally got its chance at a screening Tuesday to see what all the Bat-fuss was about. And as editor Seth Abramovitch and senior editor S.T. VanAirsdale discovered in their second installment of Defamer Instant Reviews, not everybody is ready to validate its Second Coming status quite yet. Is it good? Absolutely. Is it the best film of the summer? That's where things get complicated — on AIM, of course, because this watershed cultural moment deserves no less.

Alex Rodriguez leaving his apartment building en route to All-Star Game festivities at the Hyatt in Midtown ... Heidi Klum leaving NBC and posing with fans after a Today appearance ... Cassie eating lunch outside at Bar Pitti with a friend ... Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber packing up the SUV with luggage outside their Noho apartment ... Blake Lively and Penn Badgley filming a Gossip Girl makeout scene on the Upper East Side ... Christian Bale signing autographs on Park Avenue during an afternoon walk with his wife Sibi.

After more than four months of hype, it's getting to feel like there's increasingly less to discover about The Dark Knight except whether or not it's good. Variety pretty much took care of that on Sunday, overriding David Letterman's early, spoilerrific review with a bit more textural rave. That was preceded in the LA Times by more Heath Ledger superlatives and requisite bleakness reinforcement from director Chris Nolan. But Anne Thompson has an even better showing at her blog, featuring expansive Nolan quotes from a recent screening/discussion and, far more impressively, a look at Michael Bay's little-known original stab at the Dark Knight screenplay:

The stress of playing one of the most legendary characters ever in one of the most hotly anticipated sequels ever didn't contribute to Heath Ledger's death in January, says the Dark Knight star. "Christian Bale has called rumours that Heath Ledger's role as The Joker contributed to his death 'ridiculous.' Ledger, who died from an accidental overdose of prescription drugs in January, was urged to seek help by crew on The Dark Knight after he reportedly became too involved in his character."

The uninspired recycling of played-out mediocrity received a sleek bit of Hollywood upscaling over the last 24 hours, with no less than Jake Gyllenhaal, Christian Bale and the money gang at Sony Pictures climbing on the remake/franchise gravy train with some of the most appalling anti-ideas we've heard around these parts since that Donnie Darko sequel went fungal just before Cannes. After the jump, find out which of these warmed-over properties — Prince Of Persia? Flash Gordon? Highlander? Terminators 4, 5 & 6? — drove us to break our "No Drinking Before 5pm On Weekdays" rule.

In the latest attempt by a Hollywood superstar to Oscar grub by radically transforming their physical appearance, former hard-body Colin Farrell is rapidly downsizing for his upcoming part as a war photographer in Triage. And while Farrell could use some credibility in the acting department following his recent string of flops, hacking off all these pounds doesn't look like the healthiest way to do it. But admittedly, dieting your way towards industry approval has been a Hollywood go-to trick for quite a while. We took a look back at some of his peers' most drastic weight losses, and as scary as the morphing process made them look, each part did bolster their respective careers dramatically:

In case you haven't heard yet that The Dark Knight is going to be the Darkest! Batman! Ever! (complete with a mourned actor doing all kinds of posthumously hype-worthy things that no one will shut up about), Aaron Eckhart showed up in the LA Times's summer film preview Sunday to reinforce the company line that "people will be surprised" at the bleak turns his own Harvey Dent character endures en route to becoming Two Face:

The AP's Dave Germain has quite the feverish, myth-churning Heath Ledger tribute making the rounds today, positioning the late actor's final film The Dark Knight as "arguably the biggest movie featuring a posthumous role in Hollywood history." But don't get your hopes up! The A-list parade of Ledger devotees that follows keeps his subtlety and charm as the Joker in ever-modest perspective:

Via our friends at BoingBoing, we bring you The 10 Star Wars Toys that Unintentionally Look Like Other Celebrities, a highly amusing gallery of action figures and their accidental doppelgangers that's guaranteed to entertain. Meanwhile, fanboy memorabilia collectors who can't wait until the end of spring for The Dark Knight merchandising to hit store shelves might finally be tempted to crack open that mint Slave Leia specimen and slip her into something a little more black-latexy. [toplessrobot.com]

· For at least their first three nights back on the air, the writerless Jay Leno has triumphed over WGA-sanctioned rival David Letterman in the Nielsen wars. In another sign that the TV apocalypse may finally be upon us, shows like Wife Swap, Supernanny, The Biggest Loser, and Celebrity Apprentice are so far either posting the same numbers as or outperforming the scripted shows they've replaced for their networks. [Variety]
· Walden Media deems High School Musical star/naughty nudie-photo-scandal victim Vanessa Hudgens still pure enough to employ, signing her on to their coming-of-age dramedy Will. [THR]