A lot is riding on Captain America's shoulders. Will it give us the morale boost we so desperately need to get our economy moving again? Or will subpar dialogue and bloated, confusing action sequences send us wandering out of chilly multiplexes feeling disappointed, apathetic, and confused, setting us on a collision course with a dystopian future in which we're forced to live in discarded Ikea boxes and eat our own children to survive? The choice is yours, Chris Evans. Our tomorrow is in your hands. In the meantime, read the Top 10 list. You do that good. [Late Show]

Chris Klein was never known for his great acting prowess, but this is just epically—and hilariously—horrible. Here's a video montage that includes every single one of Klein's lines in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. Secondhand embarrassment, inside!

Did Lilo hit a stroller or just barely tap it? Bill Clinton's drama-filled birthday! Lady Gaga starves herself! Jennifer Aniston: Out with a new man! Fashion police prosecute underaged Willow Smith! Saturday Gossip Roundup is making landfall—take cover.

Tim Gunn tells damning stories about Nuclear Wintour and Andre Leon Talley. Chris Klein checks into rehab. Kourtney Kardashian gives Khloe a sisterly bikini wax. Justin Bieber's dad has a soulpatch. Monday gossip starts the week with a fright.

While Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li was ignored by movie-goers, the stellar performance by Chris Klein has been immortalized in this YouTube remix. You can tell he loves his job.

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green's second engagement is off to a rocky start. Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus get new tattoos. Farrah Fawcett's ghost barges in on Tori Spelling's psychic reading. Thursday gossip has no manners.

We were really hoping that this is some kind of elaborate prank, but all evidence is pointing to the fact that this really is Chris Klein's audition for a role in Mamma Mia!

Jamie Dimon (left) is the CEO of JPMorgan. Byrdie Bell (right) goes to a lot of parties. What do the two have in common? Absolutely nothing, except they're both celebrating birthdays today: Dimon is 53; Bell is turning 24. William H. Macy turns 59 today. Kathy Hilton, the woman who brought Paris Hilton into this world, is 50. Emile Hirsch is 24. Mets pitcher Johan Santana is turning 30. Political commentator Charles Krauthammer is 59. Mediabistro founder Laurel Touby is turning 46. Common is 37. Danny Masterson is 33. Dana Delany is 53. And Neil Sedaka is turning 70. Weekend birthdays after the jump!

[Actor couple Chris Klein and Ginnifer Goodwin (left) on an airport shuttle bus at LAX yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

To celebrate the 14th year of its always breathlessly anticipated Hollywood Issue, Vanity Fair has posted an online gallery of every meticulously composed Annie Leibovitz gatefold cover in the series, which, when unfurled, generally provide a stunning, at-a-glance guide to up-and-comers ready to enjoy a speedy ascent to superstardom.

Late Monday afternoon, news hit that Die Hard director (or Last Action Hero director, if you insist on being cruel) John McTiernan has been charged with lying to investigators about his relationship to Hollywood Wiretapping Hall of Fame first-ballot inductee Anthony Pellicano, whom McTiernan had allegedly hired both in connection with his divorce from ex-wife Donna Dubrow and to do a little eavesdropping on Rollerball producer Charles Roven. Today's LAT starts to piece together the illicit McTiernan-Pellicano love affair, including this delightful piece of process-serving color:

When last we checked in with darling-faced actor Chris Klein, he was waxing misogynistic with a rapt Elle reporter about his hobby of telling the women he sleeps with they look fat, while cautiously side stepping any questions about his ex-fiancee Katie Holmes, her engagement to Tom Cruise, or her meticulously constructed habitat at the Scientology Zoo and Nature Preserve. Now Klein says he has declined even to send Katie something fuzzy for her little bundle of contractual obligation on the way:

Sweetfaced Chris Klein, who just two posts ago was mingling among movie premiere commonfolk with a weird-looking Suzanne Somers lookalike on his arm, on the surface comes across like the world's WASPiest mensch. Not so, it would appear, as an interview with Elle has revealed Katie Holmes' ex to be nothing short of a boorish, despicable cad!

Since the last post was such a downer, we thought we would lighten the mood a little with a Defamer operative's full report from an evening of old-fashioned fun: last night's Just Friends premiere party! Smiles, people, smiles!

Perhaps filled with the joy of impending parenthood and feeling momentarily generous, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes allowed Holmes's ex-fiancé Chris Klein some time outside of their dungeon. The former actor stretched his legs, enjoyed the sunlight, and assured the world that Cruise had nothing to do with their break-up: