Penelope Cruz, breasts on radiant display, covers the November issue of Esquire, the storied magazine for men who wear statement socks. She is, for the moment, the Sexiest Woman Alive. But the article about her, by two-time National Magazine Award-winning journalist and Deadspin Good Writering Award winner Chris Jones, is not really about her. She evidently didn't feel like talking much.

Esquire and ESPN Magazine writer Chris Jones—winner of both a National Magazine Award (though not as many as he believes he deserves) and a Gawker Least Important Writers award—has long been known as that guy. That guy who, despite having one of the more enviable writing jobs in journalism, would wail about not winning an award. That guy who would launch soul-pained howls against the merest online insult. That guy whose Twitter bio said "I'm also a big fan of The Three B's: bacon, books, and bourbon"—until now.

Synergy in the Gawker Twitter universe: Esquire writer Chris "Why Don't Women Fuck Me Better?" Jones and Business Insider writer Michael "Quotes Stormfront in Earnest" Dougherty joined forces last night to discuss their feelings about journalistic ethics, battery acid semen, and their wives.

Esquire's Chris Jones, who has won two National Magazine Awards but earned many, many more, has taken to the pages of his magazine's sex issue to ask an important question: Why don't women fuck me better?

Big new story hit GQ's website today: "The Insane True Story of the Zanesville Zoo Escape." Big new story hit Esquire's website today: "The Most Dramatic Story of the Year: Inside the Massacre at the Zanesville Zoo." HEY, WAIT A SECOND. Did someone fuck up here?

In your sweltering Wednesday media column: the racial media gap unveiled, Chris Jones has a new column, NOTW apologizes to Sienna Miller, NBC gets the Olympics forever, and Bob Herbert gets a job.