Because we can't all afford to eat off NY Mag's Cheap Eats list, this week several popular fast food chains are giving away [vaguely] food[ish things] for free. Here's a guide to who's giving away what and how far you'll have to debase yourself to get it:

What's it like to be a reader of New York magazine? Let's do a thought exercise. Imagine yourself waking up mid-afternoon in the hermetically-sealed sleeping tube that takes up most of the third floor of your luxurious brownstone. Outside the door of your bedroom, your robot maid is preparing a lunch. But today, you want something different. Today, you want to meet with the common people. "Servant!" you call. "Bring me... New York's 2012 'Cheap Eats' list!"