• Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods' alleged mistress, is calling the allegations that she had an affair with the golfer "dumb," "stupid," and "ridiculous," and says "it's like asking me to comment if there are aliens on earth." Worst of all, she's bummed that as a result of this whole saga some "nice, normal guy" that she might eventually settle down with is "going to have a tainted view" of her. Meanwhile, friends and former colleagues of Uchitel say the party-promoting, celebrity-wrangling widow and divorcée has been obsessed with getting close to celebrities for years, is a "drama queen" and "fire-starter," and has had numerous run-ins with her employers in the past. [NYP, NYDN]
• What's Tiger up to? He bailed out of a golf tournament in California later this week and still hasn't come out of his house. [Us, NYP]
• Troubled Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson was arrested yesterday for stealing jewelry, clothing, shoes, and even underwear from a model pal. The really disturbing part: Johnson allegedly left a wet towel and "used vibrator" at the scene of the crime as her "calling card." [NYP, TMZ]
• Tareq and Michaele Salahi, "the most infamous party crashers in the world," appeared on the Today show this morning to tell Matt Lauer they did nothing wrong. The couple claim some mystery evidence—to be released at a later date— will prove they were invited to last week's state dinner. [MSNBC]

Just when you thought the drama at the Brooke Astor trial had subsided a bit comes the news that "a knife-wielding woman" attacked the jury forewoman on the subway, and one of the alternate jurors riding in the same car stepped in to stop the assault and apprehend the attacker. The forewoman, who is described as a 44-year-old caterer, escaped serious injury, according to the judge, but she did "suffer some bruises and other minor injuries." The judge also said that the attack didn't appear to be connected to the trial. But how often you hear about knife-wielding female muggers on the subway? Let's hope someone has the sense to sit Charlene Marshall down for a nice long chat today. [NYT]