Sean Parker reportedly tipped a West Hollywood waitress $5,000 this weekend. It sounds like a certain tech fameball wants to become a real star.

For years, the city of New York has been trying to get approval to build a garage for its sanitation department near the entrance to the Holland Tunnel in downtown Manhattan. But that's where celebrities live! Sorry, celebrities:

The tabloids of New York are currently having a tabloid party over the grisly murder of Sarah Coit, a pretty young blonde living in Manhattan who was savagely hacked to death Sunday by her boyfriend—a celebrity publicist.

Important update regarding up-and-coming rapper Chet Haze, also know as Tom Hanks' son, Chet: his mixtape is "officially done," and coming soon! As you can see, he's in the lab, still reppin his team. And he loves Kim Kardashian.

Celebrities: scaredy-cats! Turns out it's not just paranoid right-wing action star wannabes like Roger Ailes and Sean Hannity who are licensed to carry guns. So do a host of other New York celebrities. What is Marc Anthony so scared of?

Sometimes it's nice to put down the chalice, for once, and realize that Bob Marley was not the second coming of Jesus, or a hippie, for Chrissake. He was a flawed man! A new biography tells us just how flawed.

Looking to add a little celebrity star power to your upcoming teen abstinence conference? Why settle for some preacher dork when you could have famous teen ma Bristol Palin as your headline speaker? For a modest fee.

In your familial Monday media column: Theo Wenner gets himself a magazine job, headlines that sell, the most powerful woman in newspapers, teevee people speak to college kids about teevee things, and newspapers muddle about.

Deal alert: Rush Limbaugh has cut the price of his gaudy Fifth Ave. penthouse by $1 million. Now you can enjoy Rush Limbaugh's interior design sense for a mere $12.95 million. Buy it and make NYC a better place! [Curbed]

On April 19, 2009, Richard Lawson's simple post linking to naked pics of Hipster Grifter Kari Ferrell got more than 36,000 clicks. Today, Kari's posing topless over at AnimalNY. Are you not entertained? I'm waiting.

Kudos to PETA's PR team, which has managed to combine its usual "naked celebrity" news peg with an additional "too hot for Apple!" news peg, thereby capitalizing on the internet's top two obsessions, porn and iPhones. Well done.

Important political news or whatever: Spitzer superfriend Ashley Dupre's Playboy shoot is out, and here is a respectable, newsworthy sample. Smut peddler Foster Kamer has a more NSFW version at the Village Voice. Commence puns now. More censored shots below.

Adam Robinson is an Oxford-educated chess master and co-founder of the Princeton Review. His ex-girlfriend is a "psychic to the stars." Who do you guess is suing whom, for cleverly stealing all the money?

Former Star editor Bonnie Fuller left the celeb magazine world to start a wondrous vapid celeb website. Now, WWD says former Us Weekly editor Janice Min is working on a website of her own. Can she avoid post-magazine online doom?

Wild-eyed thespian Dennis Hopper is embroiled in deathbed divorce proceedings with his wife Victoria. Today: a judge ruled Victoria has to stay ten feet away from Dennis and his family. That's not so far away. Update: New prenup details.

Alec Baldwin was "rushed to the hospital" early this morning after his daughter called 911. He "may have swallowed some sleeping pills," according to the NYP. Update: Baldwin's publicist Matthew Hiltzik says he's fine and working. BUT:

Would two posts in one day about the comically atrocious PR work of 5WPR be too many? Yes. Too bad. We are obligated—if only as a cautionary tale—to bring you these examples of 5W's incompetent manufactured celebuquotes.

Oprah is quitting her show next year to build her cable network, but have no fear: that network will feature a reality show about the final season of Oprah's show. And a show called "Miracle Detectives." Oprah Oprah Oprah. [NYT]

On the 15th anniversary of her death, Tejano queen Selena is finally telling her story—by co-writing a new book with her former publicist, who channels Selena with the help of a psychic. This will save publishing. [Guanabee]

Elderly dog-worshiping soothsayer and NY Post columnist Cindy Adams is relevant once again! Really though. Not only is she a hero to young journalists everywhere, she's a hero to us today, for mocking the Hollywood-industrial entitlement complex with admirable passion!