Hey there, sweetness. No cavities. You are a great flosser. But why don't you smile more? I bet it's 'cause of this little gap here in your cute little bunny teeth. No, here. Open up, let me show you. I've got just the thing you need. Your boss'll give you a raise! Just lie back and let me take care of it.

A rotten tooth John Lennon had removed in the '60s hits the auction block next week. The reserve price has been set at $16,000. NBC New York reports:

Laptop burns! Pizza frequencies! Drug trial speed! Knife-throwing wonder! Drill-less cavities! Rabies alert! Minorities in science! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—so single-mindedly we scarcely notice the hot item roasting our poor flesh!

Apparently, there was some confusion earlier today concerning whether or not special-needs-cellblock socialite Paris Hilton was able to bypass a "humiliating" intake body cavity search upon her arrival at Century, the hottest celebrity-incarceration destination in Lynwood. While a NY Post report claimed that Hilton's potentially weapons-concealing nether-regions went unsearched, local detention facility watchdog organization TMZ can now exclusively confirm that the heiress's privileged cavities were not afforded any special treatment; fortunately, despite the thorough probing, the miniature recording devices TMZ implanted deep within Hilton during a recent Hyde blackout were not discovered, allowing the site to continue compiling its suspiciously detailed prison diary features without interruption.