Consider the humble cereal bowl. It holds food, which is useful. But then it becomes dirty, and you have to wash it, a chore that steals away precious seconds of your very busy day. So fuck it. Skip the bowl. Just combine the milk and cereal in your mouth and...

It's spring, and you want to get out into nature, and take deep breaths of the forest's cold sweet damp, and commune with the wildlife, and maybe snap a few pics or a Vine to remember the life-affirming majesty.

Ah, the public Facebook invite. On the one hand, you want to be cordial and inclusive. On the other, you might attract some undesirables.

Yeah, yeah, who wants to buckle up in a cab? Most of us are content to slide around in the back and hope for the best. But you may want to reexamine that policy: the NY Daily News offers the story of Jane Lee, a woman who had to get 50 stitches after her face smashed into the cab partition during an accident.

Here's a good tip for foreign travelers hoping to visit the United States: no matter what the words "destroy America" might mean among your hometown folk, you may want to keep that phrase off your Twitter feed. Emily Bunting and Leigh Van Bryan, a pair of tourists from Great Britain, found this out the hard way after they were detained by Homeland Security for twelve hours at Los Angeles International Airport because Bryan had earlier tweeted "Free this week, for quick gossip/prep before I go and destroy America." Bryan tried in vain to explain that "destroy" is just a quirky Brit way of saying "going out and getting drunk," but the humorless DHS agents presumably had not heard of partying, either. So they were deported.

The average 2009 college grad had $24,000 in student loan debt. But in today's debt-wracked world, some have it much worse. Meet one of the outliers: 23 years old, more than $200,000 in student loans, begging for help.

Web entrepreneur Andrew Fashion made $2.5 million by the age of 21 helping people bling out their MySpace pages. He blew it all before he turned 22. Meet Andrew and learn where his money went.

Sheyla Hershey—recipient of the largest fake breasts in the world, size 38KKK—has finally had all four implants removed after they nearly killed her. Her natural breast tissue was so damaged, doctors had to remove most of that, too.

Grad student John Boldt had his laptop (which held his thesis) stolen. But he backed everything up, so no big deal, right? Well: His backup hard drive was stolen too, and now he may have to drop out.

Nicole lives in Manhattan. She met Stu at Soho House, a members-only meatpacking district club catering to overgrown frat boys, strivers, and i-bankers. Stu seemed "normal, funny, and nice." So she gave him her phone number. Hilarious horror ensued.

Today's Thursday Styles section has that profile of Ivanka Trump, who apparently likes looking at herself in the mirror. But that's all I know about that, because not only do I refuse to read any of the words in that part of the newspaper, it's like I actually physically cannot! I can't and haven't read any part of the Times except the front page, any other newspaper, or any magazine for more than a week now. I haven't read any blogs, including this one, either! It's a real problem, or it would be, if my last day at this website wasn't Monday. Anyway, instead of writing little jabby synopses of things and trends and people in the news for the next few days, I have no choice but to just tell you about the books I read and thoughts I had while I was on vacation. It'll be like the time I mused about how we should all stop hating and start focusing our energy and we would all own Park Slope brownstones someday—except less delusional.

The date: November 4, 2007

The place: Greenwich Ave between 13th and Jane

Sighted: This adorable Michael Cera walking down Greenwich Ave... wearing a somewhat geeky dark-green wool toggle coat. Taller than I expected, slim.....my 41-year-old ass wanted to tackle him to ground and give him a raspberry. Oh yeah, he was with some guy, taller, probably older, but who cares.

Last night Graydon Carter's Waverly Inn was host to a party for Napeolonic media mufti Michael Wolff and former New York mag honcho Caroline Miller's new project Newser, the web 1.0 news aggregator. Ten years ago, Michael Wolff wrote Burn Rate; it chronicled the spectacular failure of his first web venture, NetGuide. Along the way, Wolff seriously burned his backer Alan Patricof and nearly everybody else he worked with. So when if Newser fails, will there be a Burn Rate II?

When we last left Rocco DiSpirito, star of "The Restaurant," a reality show about a failed restaurant opening, he was a lusty man about town, popular in the gossip columns for man-handling whatever hot young thing was nearest. Last year, there was allegedly an A&E reality show pilot; there was to be an autobiography film and a turn on Broadway. But those crazy ideas fell by the wayside as he followed his bliss. So now he's lending his name to TV dinners.

Remember singlefiers, those telltalle signs of a lady's self- and other-unlovedness that clutter up her apartment? Well, it turns out that something-or-other At Large Julia Allison can tick quite a few of them off the list we all made yesterday. Is our Julia having a bit of a dry spell? Any eventual gentleman callers should be forewarned: Julia's fridge contains "5 month old 'beer for guests' because I don't really drink, and when I do, I definitely don't drink beer." Opt for a wine cooler to avoid staleness issues! That bed does look mighty inviting, though—aside from the dreaded bear.

Bachelorette Living, Sans Cat [Julia]

As the staffers of Bauer's ill-fated launch were picking up the pieces of their short-lived careers in Englewood Cliffs, they received an inadvertent forward from the mag's editor-in-chief, Maria Lissandrello, that was meant for the eyes of one staffer only. Some context: Lissandrello, unlike many of her staff (several of whom had started only on Monday, when the magazine shut down), was quickly installed at Women's World when Cocktail folded; she had been at First for Women before. Yeah, we get them confused too. The correspondence after the jump. (Later today, we'll have more on why you should think twice about accepting a job offer from Bauer. But for now, enjoy!)