This weekend, we all eradicated child abuse by changing our Facebook profile pictures to cartoon characters. Or did we? According to the stupidest rumor I have ever heard, pedophiles are behind the useless campaign, for some idiotic made-up reason.

Welcome to the Gawker Locker Room: where maturity goes to die! Here your host and toastmaster Furious George will present a topic of discussion for open commentary, vigorous debate, and potential masturbatory purposes. Our topics will be diverse, random, juvenile, and vitally important. Ever since I was old enough to see The Little Mermaid, I was old enough to wonder why Ariel tramped it up in such a revealing little seashell bikini. Now, many years later, I find myself revisiting that topic. In my head. Frequently. And let's be honest: don't we all? I realize that perving out over animation is supposed to be the semi-exclusive domain of fetishists, weirdos, To Catch a Predator regulars and the Japanese. But I just can't help myself, and, I suspect, neither can you. So tell me, kids: Who is the hottest cartoon character of them all?