Things aren’t looking great for the 14-year-old Virginia girl who allegedly pelted one of her teachers in the forehead with a two-inch long carrot. Aliya May, who has been suspended now for almost a full month, could face assault and battery charges for the vegetable toss.

Two guys and a redhead girl have a bright idea for a video. It's a porn with carrots. Making cole slaw has never been this fun. Come on, guys, Grow up!

Americans hate vegetables. Every possible trick, tactic and marketing ploy has failed. We will forever be a nation of spongey vegetablephobes. So say the New York Times in a long investigation of why the hell won't Americans eat their vegetables?

I'm just going to go ahead and assume that this video—of a potato peeling himself in some sort of self-sacrifice while other terrified vegetables look on and cry—comes from Japan. Because, honestly, where else would it come from?