Last week, Ezra Merkin, the disgraced financier who funneled a couple of billion to Bernie Madoff and has since been slapped with civil fraud charges, agreed to give up his prized collection of art as part of a deal with the attorney general's office. Like you, we found the news deeply troubling. Can you imagine what it must be like to spend years buying up one priceless Rothko painting after another, only to have Andrew Cuomo come along and run off them? Not fun! As always, though, we're here to help: We just sent a lovely Rothko poster to Merkin at his 740 Park Avenue duplex. Just because you aided and abetted the biggest crook in American history doesn't mean you should have to stare at bare walls all day!

It's hard to imagine what life must be like right now for Andy and Mark Madoff, the sons of alleged scam artist Bernie Madoff. It's still unclear if the two had any role in helping their dad carry out the $50 billion fraud and if they'll eventually face legal charges. Their reputations have been decimated. Worst of all, they didn't get those Hanukkah gifts that their dad hoped to give them, expensive pieces of jewelry that were intercepted by the authorities (and may ultimately cost Bernie his freedom if a judge rules the gifts violated the conditions of his bail). They didn't get the cash that Bernie had hoped to give them either, the signed checks to friends and family discovered in Bernie's desk drawer when he was arrested. But, as always, we're here to help!

A few things to keep in mind if you're thinking of sending Chinese food to the most hated man in New York after curfew. If you call China Fun on 64th and Second and ask them if it's possible to dictate a message and have it included with the order, you should expect the woman on the other end of the phone to be a bit baffled by the request and put you on hold so she can ask her manager. (They'll do it. Just explain that you're sending the food to a sick friend. We snidely included the biblical saying "This too shall pass," but you can probably come up with something better.) Don't know what Bernie likes to eat? Neither did we, but since it's been reported he's fond of steak from the Palm, we went with the shredded beef in garlic sauce. (He is kosher, though, so you probably want to steer clear of any pork dishes.) The big challenge, we soon learned, isn't getting the Chinese food to Bernie's building. It's making it past the doorman.

One of the crappiest CEO gigs in America right now? That would be the job occupied by Edward Liddy, who took over as AIG's chief executive in September after the ailing insurance giant revealed it would go bankrupt without a jaw-droppingly massive bailout from the federal government. Liddy was supposed to restore order, but things haven't improved much since he arrived on the scene. AIG has since asked Washington for billions more, and the company has been on the defensive over multi-million dollar payouts to former company execs. Then there were the scandals over AIG's all-expenses-paid getaways to lavish hotels: For some strange reason, the idea that taxpayers would foot the bill so that AIG employees could have spa treatments and sip pina coladas struck many as a little bit inappropriate! The downside, of course, is that some AIG execs won't be able to put as much time in the sun this winter, and we wouldn't want any employees to turn sullen and depressed, would we? As part of our continuing effort to cheer up the CEOs who have battered by the financial crisis—so far this week we've sent presents to Lloyd Blankfein (see here) and Vikram Pandit (see here)—we picked up a bottle of "self-tanning mist" for Liddy. If Liddy can't relax in the sun, we'll bring the sun to him. We sent it to his office, though, not his home, because it's a gift we'd really like Liddy to share. Spread it around, Ed. Everyone in the executive suite has the right to pretend they just got back from Aruba. Click here for a larger pic.

Yesterday we sent a big batch of coupons to Goldman Sachs chief Lloyd Blankfein, just in case he was thinking of cutting back on his spending now that he won't be receiving a $60 million bonus at the end of the year. Today we're bestowing charity on the most beleaguered CEO on Wall Street this week, Vikram Pandit. The Citigroup chief announced plans to dismiss 50,000 people earlier this week, and Citi shares tumbled to a historic low today as the bank teeters on the edge of the abyss. Sounds like someone needs a little cheering up!

Wall Street won't have much to celebrate this holiday season. Most firms have announced record losses in recent weeks, thousands of employees have been let go, and even that banking birthright, the annual bonus, appears to be in jeopardy this year. Goldman Sachs announced yesterday that its top seven execs would forgo multi-million bonus checks. UBS followed suit hours later, and there's word that other banks will make similar moves in the coming days. Of course, the impact of the downturn isn't just felt by the bankers themselves. Some unlucky wives, for example, are just finding out that they're going to spend Christmas at the Four Seasons in Maui, instead of the Altamer in St. Barths, since someone decided that $10,000 for a beachfront suite was a little too much money to spend on a vacation right now. Fortunately, we're here to help. Friends, Wall Street cannot lift itself out of this mess alone, even if they happen to have tens of billions of taypayer dollars. If they're going to pull themselves up, we're all going to need to chip in, and then we'll all be rewarded when these financial titans return to their frivolous lives and start spending ridiculous amounts of money on real estate, clothes, and dinners once again. We may not be able to send them big bundles of cash (they've got the Treasury Department for that anyway), but there are countless other ways to help, little gestures that can make life easier for men who could use a little comfort as they experience sudden lifestyle changes, like having to fly commercial for the first time in years. Below: How we're going to lend some assistance to Lloyd Blankfein, the CEO of Goldman Sachs.