Certainly the sight of Angelina Jolie topless comes as nothing new to even the most casual Jolie breast enthusiast—but that shouldn't mean that every fresh specimen isn't something worth celebrating. Take for example a recent series of photographs, shot by a paparazzo with a telephoto lens the size of a small corn silo, of the actress on a Cannes balcony. Whatever discomfort we may have experienced over this mild invasion of privacy were quickly offset by the excitement of stealing a double-helping glimpse of her Brad-only goodies. We've obfuscated the offending, glorious bits with the star of her latest animated voiceover project: We like to imagine censor-dot Kung Fu Panda is thinking, "Boobies!" to himself in a voice that sounds unmistakably like Jack Black's.

During this exciting and hectic Cannes season, some lesser-budgeted and hyped projects are at risk, like sand through a topless sunbather's cleavage, of tumbling between the cracks. We therefore take a moment to draw your attention to Killing Fields director Roland Joffe's latest film: You And I, starring Mischa Barton and Anton Yelchin. From it's IMDb plot synopsis: "Two teenage girls, Janie who is American and Lana who is Russian, fall in love after meeting at a t.A.T.u concert and are swept into a dangerous world of obsession, drug abuse and murrrrrderrrr." (Italics and dread-inducing consonant-extension ours.) The movie, originally titled Finding t.A.T.u., has been gathering dust on a shelf for several years (back when Yelchin would still consider acting opposite Barton in a movie about a sapphic Soviet pop group), and is at last ready for its coming out party.

[Actor Jude Law at a small, uncommercial film festival in the south of France today; image via Splash]

While Indiana Jones and the Can Someone Please Tell Me What the Fuck Just Happened? was the most sought-after ticket at Cannes, it was another prostate-enlarged cinematic icon's comeback—that of Woody Allen—that would prove the festival's most triumphant. His new Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which features Javier Bardem ravaging any number of comely lasses and at least one Penelope Cruz-on-Scarlett Johansson kiss, was greeted with a ten-minute standing ovation after its Saturday screening. Director and cast were on hand to soak in the glory—but not Johansson, whom the Daily Mail reports made life a living hell for the put-upon studio workers just trying to get a little Côte d'Azur photo-op action going:

[Natalie Portman on the red carpet at Cannes yesterday; image via AP]

A.S. Hamrah, film critic for blah-blah-ing lit journal N+1, is stuck at the glamorous Cannes Film Festival but it's not as glamorous as it was when it was new, and that makes him sad. "It's not just that celebrities are dull. More and more, there's also something about them that fills us with revulsion. It used to be that a celebrity sighting was cause for celebration. You'd phone the wife and kids: 'Hey, I just saw Robert Stack walking into the Automat!' Now it's more an occasion for jeering. Or, more accurately, a chance to feel a deep queasiness about what's happened to our culture. The celebrity is quickly becoming a harbinger of nausea, a delivery system for Weltschmerz, there to remind us that things, actually, are what they seem: pathetic."

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

The much-ballyhooed film Blindness, a Fernando Meirelles (the harrowing City of God, the exquisite Constant Gardener) film starring Julianne Moore (the vagina in Robert Altman's Short Cuts), has been labeled a "misfire" at Cannes. Well, at least by New York Times film critic Manohla Dargis. The movie, some sort of political allegory (based on the Jose Saramago novel) about a whole town stricken with blindness (save for the wan, desperate Moore), is apparently "allegory with a very large capital A." Ahh, too bad. I was looking forward to this one. Oh wait, there's more? The film is also "nasty, brutish and nowhere near short enough." Ouch. Well, let's take ol' Manohla's early review with a little grain of salt. The film could change! Dargis could be completely wrong (as she often is)! If she's not, though, bad news for Miramax, which was pinning some major Oscar hopes on this one. Watch the trailer for the film, plus experience a little more of Dargis' ire, after the jump.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

[Actors Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, and Jack Black promoting their film "Kung Fu Panda" at the Cannes film festival today; image via Splash]

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

Riding high on the wave that was his self-deprecating, actually funny tribute to Meryl Streep on Monday night, Robert De Niro is reportedly surging into Cannes' closing-night slot next month with his undistributed Hollywood satire What Just Happened? Directed by Barry Levinson, written by Art Linson and starring De Niro as a Linson-esque producer beset with divorce and a nightmarish film project, the movie's buzz fizzled after mixed reviews following its Sundance premiere. So what are the odds it'll seal a deal on the Croisette?

With anticipation-levels for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull hovering somewhere around those of that other long-awaited sequel, Jesus Christ and the Second Coming, Paramount has arranged for the latest chapter of Steven Spielberg's adventure serial to get a suitably overblown premiere at the Cannes Film Festival on May 18. Reports Variety:

In a prestigious delegation sure to keep his newly single nose out of trouble as he recovers from his failed marriage, Sean Penn has been dispatched to the topless-French-whore-filled beaches of Cannes to head up the awards jury of that French resort city's annual film festival:

Our pal at Towleroad has landed this ultra-rare, exclusive image of dreamy-eyed Hollywood hunkboat [audible sigh] Jake Gyllenhaal, fresh off the Cannes premiere of Zodiac, catching a well-deserved nap on the Eurostar train between Paris and London. We really have nothing more to say, other than: Awww...famous people occasionally sleep, just like Us! (But look decidedly more adorable when they do it. Look at him! He's probably dreaming of cute sheep vaulting a perfect little fence.)

· Cannes update: Films receiving early praise at Cannes include the Coen brothers' No Country For Old Men, the abortion drama 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days, and Zodiac, which feels like it was released in America three years ago. You may now return to not caring about what's going on in France (unless it involves Jerry Seinfeld in a bee suit. That was so awesome!) [Variety]
· Because we know that you can't sleep if you don't know what Julia Roberts is up to: She's set to star in a movie based on the the life of African wildlife conservationist Joan Root. Or have more babies and take another five years off from the demands of being Hollywood's Biggest Female Star, depending on her mood. [THR]
· The Emmys are "one step closer" to moving from the Shrine to the shiny new Nokia Theater being built downtown, a change of venue that the TV Academy promises won't have any impact on the show's reliably low entertainment value. [Variety]
· The season finales of Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters overcome token competition from the other networks, giving ABC an underwhelming Sunday night ratings victory. [THR]
· Var provides possibly unreliable evidence that Goldie Hawn is still alive. [Variety]

Perhaps depressed that his evil, publicity-boosting plan to cut Jerry Seinfeld's zip-line with a comically oversized pair of scissors and send the Bee Movie star hurtling into the sea was foiled by a last-second bout of conscience, DreamWorks Animation head cheerleader Jeffrey Katzenberg refrained from making any bold predictions about Shrek the Third's shot at topping Spider-Man 3's box office record this weekend:

· Oh, right: The CW also announced its Fall schedule. Veronica Mars fans, grab your pitchforks and torches, because your favorite show's not on it. But maybe the pick-up of Gossip Girl will make you feel better about things? [Variety]
· 300's Gerard Butler will star in Game, a near-future dystopian thriller in which people control other people in "mass-scale, multiplayer online" games, with Butler playing a warrior who tries to "regain his identity and bring down the system that has imprisoned him." Pitch: The Running Man meets The Matrix meets Second Life, sort of. [THR]
· Remember those scenes in Heat where Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro appeared together? If that gave you a moviegasm, you're probably not going to be able to handle Righteous Kill, a feature-length act-off between the stars of Two for the Money and Meet the Fockers. [Variety]
· David Fincher circumvented his "no more serial killer movies" rule for Zodiac by thinking of it as a "newspaper movie in which I get to torture Jake Gyllenhaal for the last two hours." [THR]
· Cannes attempts to spice up its opening night by eschewing its usual sit-down dinner in favor of allowing guests to roam the room with their cocktails, ingesting finger foods as needed to avoid passing out. [Variety]

As a follow-up to yesterday's story about how studios will spare no expense in creating Hollywood-quality promotional spectacles at Cannes, we present this photo of Bee Movie star Jerry Seinfeld, who gamely donned a bee costume, was affixed to a zip line, and then thrown off the roof of the eight-story Carlton Hotel, eventually alighting on a pier prominently displaying the movie's logo. While the stunt apparently was carried off without incident, there has to be a part of DreamWorks Animation chief Jeffrey Katzenberg that secretly, selfishly hoped the cord would snap and send Seinfeld crashing into the sea (Just enough to make a little splash. Oh, come on, don't be like that! It's not like he was going to cut the rope himself. If it happened, it happened.), creating an even more intense buzz for their upcoming film.