Professional dick-doodler Perez Hilton is now a father. This would be worthy of a long major-city newspaper profile if he'd impregnated Rosie O'Donnell with their love child, or if he pushed the child out of his penis like a kidney stone, or if he openly identified a homeless Sunset Strip crackhead as the surrogate. (BTW, any potential leads on the anonymous womb's owner should be directed here.) But none of these things have happened, yet here we are, with a 1500-word profile in today's Los Angeles Times about how new daddy Mario Armando Lavandeira Jr.—once the MOST HATED gossip blogger in Hollywood—is softer, kinder, gentler, and FITTER.