Piers Morgan's CNN talk show debuted last night with 2.1 million viewers, compared to a 657,000 average in that time slot last quarter. (Although reviews sucked.) Thanks, Oprah fans! Unfortunately, Piers, it's all going to be downhill from here.

Former Nixonite and Fox News mastermind Roger Ailes is extremely paranoid, hyperpartisan, and quite possibly insane. He never struck us as the sensitive type. But according to a new Esquire profile, Ailes spends much of his time being downright hurt.

Insufferable talk radio blowhard Laura Ingraham graced Bill O'Reilly with her appearance on tonight's Factor for a chat about President Obama's speech at last night's post-shooting memorial in Tucson, Arizona. Her thoughts? It was a shameless "campaign rally." Watch inside.

Bitchy silver fox John Roberts, until recently host of CNN's American Morning, will leave the world of strained objectivity behind for right-wing insanity parlor Fox News, where he'll serve as senior national correspondent. Enjoy clipping Roger Ailes' toenails, new guy!

MSNBC's Joe Scarborough, an ex-congressman, says he "may feel the need to run for office again" if the "absence of leadership" among Washington dingbats worsens. Obviously if he ran for anything, the country would be saved within minutes.

Look: MSNBC's Chris Matthews is not a birther, okay? That said... he still wants to know why Barack Obama hasn't shown whatever super-secret copy of his birth certificate. Where is it, Obama? But again: Chris Matthews is not a birther.

In your stranded Monday media column: an AP vs. NYT journo-feud, Jon Stewart is slobbered over again, business cable news networks are finally making the big bucks, and Nick Kristof loves China so much.

The future job of America's Sweetheart—yes, Katie Couric, that's right—has been speculated upon quite a bit by media nerds and social outcasts lately. The latest rumor: a possible daytime TV show. We handicap Katie's likely options, below.

When we last saw Fox News' Washington managing editor Bill Sammon, he was sending his staff a memo telling them to stop saying "public option." What's he up to now? Sending staffers an email pooh-poohing global warming. Principled journalism alert!

It sure is fun to make fat jokes about New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, a.k.a. Governor Sandwiches. We're only saying it because it's true, okay? But Fox News' Neil Cavuto disagrees! According to him, it's racist to make such jokes.

An August 2009 e-mail from Fox News' Washington managing editor, Bill Sammon, ordered reporters to drop the term "public option" for "government-run plan" during the health care reform debate. Could Fox News have a right-wing bias?

Utterly unwatched CNN newsgimmick show Parker Spitzer is getting some much-needed publicity today, in the form of a rumored threat by cohost Kathleen Parker to leave the show. Oh no, they wouldn't want to lose Kathleen Parker, ha ha.

Last night Bill O'Reilly targeted his devastating "pinhead" insult at the Simpsons writers, whose (very anti-Republican) latest episode called Fox News "Not Racist, But #1 With Racists." O'Reilly slammed the "pinheads" for their corporate disloyalty, the worst crime ever.

MSNBC, just to put itself on the record as "consistent," has suspended Morning Joe co-host Joe Scarborough for the same reason it suspended Keith Olbermann: Political donations without advance approval. Interestingly, Politico, where Scarborough writes a column, instigated the suspension.

Keith Olbermann's brief suspension from MSNBC was actually a paid vacation—the network's decided to pay him for the days he was off the air. Also, both sides have decided to snipe at each other anonymously, like petty little divas.

A few months ago, Tucker Carlson's pranky Daily Caller website purchased KeithOlbermann.com, and Carlson assumed the "keith@" email address. So one reporter who recently emailed that address for comment about Olbermann's MSNBC suspension has been getting some interesting, fake responses.

MSNBC chief Phil Griffin suspended Keith Olbermann today for violating "NBC News policy and standards" by donating to three Democratic congressional candidates last month. But according to an NBC News source, MSNBCers have been exempt from those rules for years.

Your election night prime time cable news ratings are in. Fox News: 6.96 million viewers. CNN: 2.42 million. MSNBC: 1.94 million. Compared to 2006, Fox is way up, MSNBC's steady, and CNN's down. You get what you deserve, America. [NYT]

Here's a clip of Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tennessee) on MSNBC last night, explaining how Republicans will cut vague "discretionary spending" to achieve magical savings. Chris Matthews is like "What will you cut? WHAT WILL YOU CUT?" The poor man's apoplectic!

The liberal Media Matters has done its inevitable grunt work of detailing Fox News personalities' involvement in this year's election, and finds that more than 30 of them have supported the GOP and its candidates. Who coulda guessed?