A new study finds butter consumption does not lead to cardiovascular disease, diabetes, or early death. So go ahead: eat that fuckin butter. Eat it all up. “Here lies Buttery Joe, dead of natural causes.”—your tombstone.

Buttery crusader Paula Deen was just foolin' when she said she would cut the copious slabs of butter out of her cooking. This was a bait and switch because museum subject Paula Deen has a whole brand of butter.

Today we learned all about the shortage of butter in Norway. Very much in keeping with today's pun-filled posts on Gawker, one commenter finds a whey to accurately express their reaction to the lack of dairy in Norway.

The grim situation in Scandinavia worsened over the weekend as the Norwegian government, attempting to cling to power in the face of a severe butter shortage, arrested two Swedes who'd been attempting to smuggle 550 pounds of butter over the border.

What's wrong with you, America? While you leer at "hoochie mamas" on VH1 and use "sext messages" on your "crackberries," a very real international crisis is being ignored across the ocean: Norway is running out of butter.

"To honor the butter cow's 100th birthday," the Iowa State Fair is selling deep fried butter on a stick this year. It is a butter stick on a stick, dipped in batter, deep fried, and drizzled with more butter.

"Unless your roommate specifically asks you to throw butter at their ankles, you should probably abstain," my mom always used to say. Collier County, Florida resident Dawn Elizabeth Rhash allegedly didn't follow this popular rule of etiquette, either because her mom told her otherwise, or because vodka.

The cinematography in this stunning commercial for Lurpak Butter makes one thing very clear: this butter could totally kicks Land O'Lakes' ass.

Well, three of the nerdy ones at least! Also today: Some really fresh ideas from the USA network, a Pushing Daisies favorite finds some work, and Butter continues to churn along.

By trying to bring in some top-notch directing talent! Also today: a new movie about butter finds its cast, more new shows from the Syfy channel, Paula Abdul has been located and is receiving care, and Muppets.

• Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo were supposed to have two weddings coming up—one in Mustique and one at The Plaza—but now they're having none because the whole wedding has been called off. The Post's suggestion: "Maybe he should rethink his hairpiece." [Page Six]

[Lance Bass et al at New York City's Club Butter, celebrating the 24th birthday of Bass's boyfriend, Ben Thigpen, Jan 7; image via INF]

That little stretch of Lafayette where New York pretends to be L.A. was buzzing last night as strike-fearing actors packed into Butter. Says our spy, "Two stars from '30 Rock,' Kristina Bowen and Lonny Ross, were like, 'Um we are pretty much screwed. We have one more shooting script and that's It.' Lance Bass tried to join in on the convo, asking 'Wait does this affect talk shows....' His nose in person reminds me of Peter Pan. Plastic surgery is NOT his friend." But the biggest celeb in attendance was the Butterscotch Stallion himself, 'Darjeeling Express' star Owen Wilson, accompanied only by "a PR lady and two bodyguards." "He left in under 30 mins. It was a bit of a buzz killer—everyone was like 'Gasp—that's the Wilson brother who tried to kill himself.' It was such an odd reaction. Why is he going out anyway, you know?" To promote 'not being dead,' one assumes.