If you were one of the lucky ones to catch "Criminal Minds" last night, it featured a murderous Gavin Rosdale covering Joy Division while looking like a cross between Robert Smith and a drag queen that just got off work.

Giuseppe Cipriani fled left the country last year in the wake of a scandal over alleged shady dealings regarding a liquor license for his celebtastic restaurant. He's not "on the lam," see. He simply could not take Bush any longer.

Let's not forget that the hero Iraqi Shoe Hurler was a journalist before he became a footwear projectilist. A certain portion of his colleagues think he disgraced his profession. They're wrong. Let's go to Muntader's brand new explanatory op-ed!

Ululate your huzzahs, counterimperialist warriors: Shoe-hurling Iraqi journalist Muntader al-Zaidi is free from prison. Where he was tortured. So, Muntader, tell us, are you going to Disney World or what?

Yesterday we asserted that former Bush roboflackMale Ari Fleischer was America's most irrelevant talking head. Today, however, we learned that former Bush roboflackFemale Dana Perino is joining forces with Microtrend maker-upper Mark Penn. Revision:

Iraqi courts have cut the prison sentence for the hero shoe-hurling-at-Bush journalist from three years down to one. Huzzah! And on the same day Obama visited Iraq. Coincidence??? Open your eyes, sheeple! [WSJ]

Iraqi—and, indeed, global—hero Muntader al-Zaidi, whose act of hurling his shoes at failed president GW Bush proved him superior to all other political journalists, is going to jail. Despite having an excuse:

A new politically themed subway poster remix! The Post thinks this is the work of our friend Poster Boy, but we're not sure. It's a little slicker than his earlier political soliloquies:

After ruining the economy, the country and the world, no one wants to hire former Bush officials. Reports the Wall Street Journal, "only 25% to 30% of ex-Bush officials seeking full-time jobs have succeeded."

Bush-pardoned rapper John Forte's last day in jail: "Washing and conditioning the hair that had grown below my waist added an extra 30 minutes to an already lengthy process." But he made it, thankfully. [TDB]

Hey, remember that college journalist who got in trouble last year for his bold, two-word editorial, "Fuck Bush?" Well that kid just got an honest-to-god scoop about a heinously corrupt (college) cop. Cussing indicates greatness!

What will the Obama years mean for Fox News? Plenty of MSNBC bashing; Rush Limbaugh martyrdom; and conservative think tank hacks complimenting conservative media hacks. This video compilation foreshadows four years of fairness and balance.

Wanna know why Bill Clinton hates Barack Obama so much? Because our Hopey President-elect is basically rerunning the entire script of Clinton's '92 campaign, including the Obama meme-of-the-day: chafing at life inside "the bubble."

Oh gee, yesterday the word was that Baghdad Shoe Hurler Muntader al-Zaidi could face seven years in prison. But then George W. Bush called for mercy, and now his possible sentence has doubled:

Aside from the shoe thrower himself, the other victim of Sunday's shoe attack was White House press secretary Dana Perino, who returned to the White House yesterday with a black eye.

Oh dear: it seems that Muntader al-Zaidi, the heroic Baghdad Shoe Thrower, is being treated just about as well as we expected in custody. But there is a bright side:

The liberal portion of the Supreme Court says that average jerks can sue cigarette companies for fraudulently marketing their light cigarettes—which kill you—as safe. Conservatives say no, just shut up and die. Really!

Muntader al-Zaidi will probably never again do something as awesome as hurling his shoes at the US President during a press conference. But was it worth it, considering what came next?

More details have emerged on how the White House is bravely defending the DC area from the freeloading Obama family and their rowdy entourage. No adults allowed, it's neocon party time!

Only 50 more days of President George W. Bush. So many feelings, right? ABC has released the transcript of a Charlie Gibson sit-down interview airing tonight, and it must be said that our current president was, and remains, a very stupid man. For example, he blames the current recession on "a lot of the decisions that were made on Wall Street took place over a decade or so, before I arrived in president." But now is a time to look forward. Is there a future for the man who wrecked our nation and the world? Yes, and his stupidity is what makes it work. Take our advice and prosper, George; here are the five keys to the revival of your image: