A French monkey went on a week-long chocolat bender in Marseilles last week, terrorizing school children and eluding inspectors in the best animal crime to hit France since the Pink Panther.

All TechCrunch founder Michael Arrington wanted was a simple life, with a simple boat, so that he might draw out his remaining days in peaceful aquatic seclusion. Chartering retired couples and young honeymooners on day trips, resolving the quarrels of local fisherman, nibbling on sponge cake and watching the sun bake all of those tourists covered in oil. He was done with the game, and he thought the game was done with him.