A squirrel in Los Angeles County tested positive for the bubonic plague yesterday. By our calculation, that still leaves 24 hours before the top of Gwyneth's head comes off.

In a tale that will soon pass into Mom Urban Legend, a 7-year-old girl in Colorado, a 7-year-old girl not so very different from you, in fact, in a Colorado much like your own state, played near a dead squirrel after her mom told her to leave it alone. And do you know what happened to that little girl?

Global warming is always getting a bad rap. Sure, entire nations are drowning in rising sea levels and whatnot, but there's some good news: The number of bubonic plague cases in the U.S. is dropping thanks to... global warming.

Now we know why Miami's airport evacuated last night: Something suspicious was found in the suitcase of a man previously jailed for smuggling the plague. Meet Dr. Thomas Butler, a white guy from Texas who works in Saudi Arabia.