Ha! Apparently word has spread like wildfire through the nation's "heroin-addicted hobo" community about the Mad Max-esque, post-apocalyptic wasteland that is Williamsburg, Brooklyn, because they're descending upon the hipster utopia in droves to squat in the neighborhood's abandoned developments.

• It turns out Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick aren't moving to Brooklyn after all. Shooting down a story that first appeared in the Post, the Times reports that the mystery buyers behind the $8.45 million purchase of Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany's townhouse at 17 Prospect Park West are actually "a wealthy Google engineer and his wife," who bought the home through a company called Harken Pretty and "asked that their names not be published." [NYT]
• Philanthropists Amnon and Caren Heller Barness, who paid $12 million for a penthouse at Trump Park Avenue last year, have sold their former apartment at 1016 Fifth. The two-bedroom co-op was purchased for $4.2 million by attorney Peter Sloane and his wife, real estate agent Jaar-mel Sloane. [Cityfile]
• After more than a year on the market (and a $10 million price cut), the Sloane Mansion is officially off the market. The 18,500-square-foot home had been listed with Paula Del Nunzio for or $54 million. [NYO, previously]

Oh pity the poor denizens of Williamsburg. The erosion of hipster trust funds is leading their greasy little utopia to slowly devolve into some sort of Mad Max-esque, post-apocalyptic real estate wasteland, just like Miami! So says New York Magazine.

Yesterday, the New York Times' blog about the Fort Greene neighborhood published a post on a "secret underground climbing gym" in Brooklyn. Today, they took the post down. For a preposterous reason! Now it's getting way more attention.

Hundreds gathered in the grass of Brooklyn Bridge Park last night to watch Raising Arizona, part of the 'Movies With a View' series hosted by the Brookyln Bridge Park Conservatory, one of many NYC summer outdoor film screenings. (Chris Hondros/Getty)

Last month a replica of the Statue of Liberty outside of Vox Pop in Ditmas Park was stolen. On the fourth of July it turned up on YouTube getting the Daniel Pearl treatment. None of us are safe anymore.

• It looks like Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick might be moving their growing brood to Park Slope. The couple is rumored to be behind the recent purchase of Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany's Victorian townhouse at 17 Prospect Park West, which was sold to an LLC called Harken Pretty for $8.45 million last December. [NYP]
• Paul Kerz, the former CEO of Health Management Systems, and his wife Corinne, have dropped the price of their five-story, five-bedroom townhouse at 126 East 65th Street, four months after putting it on the market for $12.5 million. It's now listed for $9.95 million. [Cityfile, Sotheby's]
• Sara Levinson, the former president of the women's publishing division of Rodale, and her husband Charles Hairston, have paid $2.625 million for a three-bedroom co-op at 45 East 85th Street. [Cityfile]
• Hockey star Scott Gomez is reportedly putting his three-bedroom pad at the Chelsea Mercantile up for sale now that he's been traded away from the Rangers. Meanwhile, fellow ex-Ranger Darius Kasparaitis has listed his two-bedroom condo at 205 East 59th Street for $2.595 million. [NYP, PDE]

Real estate developers are having trouble finding new buyers, as you know full well, and the situation is particularly challenging for buildings that happen to be in slightly iffy neighborhoods. Here's one way to entire prospective buyers: Make an offer on a one-bedroom at The Sinclair, located on the edge of Crown Heights, and you'll get a free Prius as part of the package. Now if only they could arrange to have Bob Barker come down to give away these free cars personally, this promotion would be perfect. [Curbed]

In 2005, Bruce Ratner agreed to pay $100 million to build his controversial Atlantic Yards on state-owned land. Under terms of a new deal that was revealed just this week (and goes to a vote tomorrow): Ratner will only have to pay the MTA $20 million upfront, and he'll get to spread out the other $80 million over the next 21 years. Critics of the deal are up in arms about the compromise, per usual, but there's some good news: Forest City Ratner, says it will cough up an extra $200,000 a year to stamp "Barclays Center" to the Atlantic Ave.-Pacific St. subway station. Small miracles! [NYDN]

A building collapsed around 2PM Clinton Hill/Fort Greene, Brooklyn. It's right down the street from Brooklyn's Pratt Institute. It's a full collapse, authorities have no idea what caused it. Full picture of the collapse after the jump.

If you read one profanity-laced diatribe about labradoodle owners today, let it be this one.

June 15 @ 1 pm Saw Paul Dano at the Trader Joe's in Brooklyn. I followed him into the snack aisle and then he left without buying anything. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

Everyone knows (many people don't know) that the Nazis also exterminated homosexuals, gypsies, and Jehovah's Witnesses, so there is no reason to include that information on a Brooklyn Holocaust Memorial. Assemblyman Dov Hikind is fighting to keep the memorial pure!

Developer Bruce Ratner's plans to erect a $1 billion, Frank Gehry-designed Nets arena in the middle of Brooklyn isn't happening. Ratner is planning to move ahead with a new, cheaper design, one that will end up costing $200 million less. Don't expect to look as pretty, though: "Officials who have seen the design say that while it resembles Conseco Fieldhouse it also bears a likeness to an 'airplane hangar.' [NYT]

The developer of a luxury building in Brooklyn was having difficulty selling off his condos in an economic downturn, so he's partnered with the city to turn his vacancies into homeless shelters, leaving residents who actually bought their units livid.

Attention, our target demographic: do not miss your opportunity for a Free Bouncy Ride from someone in a plush Bluebird Furry outfit, on the Lorimer L train platform at 11 pm tonight. Clean, affordable fun!:

Just when you were beginning to worry you'd never get to see Tony Danza on primetime TV ever again comes the news that Danza is back! Or he will be in the near future, and he'll be back in his native Brooklyn, no less. A&E has signed him up to do a new reality show, which is "billed as a real-life 'Welcome Back Kotter,' with Danza returning to teach high school students in his native New York." We can't say basing a program on Welcome Back Kotter is a recipe for rating success, although to A&E's credit, having Steven Seagal take a job as a sheriff's deputy in Louisiana for a new series? A no-brainer, clearly. [THR]

It's been 12 days since the story of hipster grifter Kari Ferrell swept the world, and here's an amazing thing: she's vanished! Here's a more amazing thing: she's still in NYC!

• Russell Simmons' brother Danny, who runs a gallery in Brooklyn and co-founded the Rush Philanthropic Arts Foundation with his brothers Russell and Rev Run, has put his 2,000-square-foot loft in Clinton Hill up for sale for $1.175 million. [WSJ, Corcoran]
• Raphael De Niro, the son of Robert De Niro and a managing director at Prudential Douglas Elliman, has a new apartment. He and wife Claudine paid $2.9 million for a three-bedroom condo at 497 Greenwich Street. [Real Deal]

How did hipster grifter and fugitive from justice Kari Ferrell take advantage of so many people in two separate states? With charm! We have two charming emails from her, as proof. She's sorry, okay?