Fried chicken. Fried fish. Fried potatoes. Fried vegetables. Fried dough. All popular staples of the American diet. Hey guys, one question: why no fried fruit?

When blessed with one of the most moving natural vistas on the face of the earth, the entrepreneurial heroes of America can be relied upon to do the right thing: build a bunch of crap around it to ruin the view. For $$$!

King Nazir Muhammad, NewsBlaze.com contributing writer and self-proclaimed "Lesbian Messiah," has today advocated his most radical program of gender equality yet: lesbianism for all women. Is the Messiah's program humanity's only hope?

Today, the labor coalition leading the ongoing movement to raise wages for fast food workers announced that workers in 150 cities around the world will walk out and/ or strike on May 15. That's fine and dandy. But might there be a better way for this movement to operate?

Today is The Atlantic's New York Ideas Festival, an important annual event in the Ideas Industrial Complex world. Here are 23 ideas we heard there, before we had our fill of ideas at noon and left.

We live in a marvelous, annoying era in which startup geniuses constantly getting rich by "disrupting" mundane industries. Hotels? Disrupted. Taxis? Disrupted. On behalf of the beleaguered apartment hunters of New York City, I humbly request that someone disrupt real estate agents out of existence.

Our system of "public education" is at least partially successful at serving its primary purpose, which is to provide free babysitting for children and keep teenagers from prowling the streets during daylight hours. Now, some high-minded reformers threaten to clog up the entire setup by mandating learning.

This nation has a very fundamental problem. Its best city—New York City—exists in a northern latitude so extreme that it is a frigid sub-Arctic wasteland for half the year. Why don't we rebuild somewhere down south?

Four people were struck and killed by automobiles in New York City this weekend, bringing the number of pedestrian fatalities this month to nine. In response, the NYPD is cracking down... on jaywalking. This is like blaming the deer for getting in the way of the hunter's bullet.

It is a bizarre mark of progress that America's level of economic inequality has become so chronic and severe that even the Republican party realizes it must present some sort of proposal to address the economic underclass. It's like watching a gaggle of nuns plot out a sex-education curriculum.

In a development that can only be described as shocking as well as startling, a proposed Noah's Ark Theme Park in Kentucky is having some financing problems. Do we have an investment idea for you!

The 50th anniversary of Lyndon Johnson's "War on Poverty" has prompted a bout of national soul-searching about how much progress we've really made. If we're actually interested in helping the poor, we should look even farther back in history, and resurrect the WPA.

Good Idea Alert: Why not have a football bowl game that begins at midnight on New Year's day, just after the ball drops? That way you can turn the game on at your New Year's party.

It appears that Americans may soon, at long last, get an increase in the federal minimum wage. The public is for it. Economists are for it. And today, Republican opponents may have generated their most outrageous counter-proposal yet.

Here is some straight up bullshit: some scientist who like "playing god" are trying to improve on one of God's Greatest Creations—the incredible edible egg. NEWS FLASH, eggheads: it ain't gonna happen.

Tomorrow is the 100th anniversary of the federal income tax. Thank you, federal income tax, for all the things you have bought this country, except the wars! On this auspicious anniversary, here are five tax ideas to make the next 100 years even better.

Americans are currently drowning in student debt. Debates over this issue tend to descend into arguments over whether college is "worth it." Meanwhile, debt-hobbled graduates scrounge unsuccessfully for living-wage jobs. Oregon has a better idea.

The first golden age of floating dirigibles ended on approximately May 6, 1937. The new golden age of blimpity bleep bloop blimps starts right now!

Today in True Historical Misadventures of the CIA: the time they tried to turn a cat into a spy.

For a solid week now, media types have been discussing the ethical and economic quandaries of asking writers to write for free. For—oh, about a decade and a half now, at least—media types have been discussing how the internet might affect the longstanding economic model of journalism as an industry. Now, one of most highly credentialed media thinkers in America weighs in with a proposal: Hey, someone should do something about that.