Anyone who's been "downrange" in America's overproduced theater of war knows that its performers run on nicotine and caffeine: coffee for some, fizzy-sugary energy bombs for others. (Rip-Its, anyone?) But you know what's cheaper and easier for Uncle Sam to import to the battlefield? Arcs and sparks!

Authorities in Great Britain forcibly sedated a pregnant woman from Italy, performed a court-ordered C-section delivery on her, and now plan to put the child up for adoption against her will.

In order to have a job to make enough money to buy food, clothing, shelter, and other necessities of human life, The Company is going to need a few things from you. We need you to be here on time. We need you to fill out your TPS reports. And we're gonna need to track your every move and word via electronic sensors. Mmmmkay?

Corporate America knows that the key characteristic of you, the consumer, is this: you are a liar. You lie to your wife. You lie to your boss. And, worst of all, you lie to corporate America survey-takers whose job it is to determine what you like so that corporate America can sell that thing to you. What do you really like? Corporate America will track your eyeballs in order to find out.

First, a Survivor question! After that, there is so much pilot casting news today it's hard to know what to do with it! Some of it is very exciting (Summer Roberts!) and some of it less so (Donna Pinciotti as Chelsea Handler), but absolutely all of it is need-to-know. Or not. Whatever. Here it is.

Cell phones: they had such promise. Such wondrous potential. How have we, wretched humanity, squandered that potential? By turning cell phones into predatory ad-delivery systems. Corporations are literally stalking you, by cell phone. And you asked for it!

You'd think this iPhone app would be a juggernaut from booty call heaven. You'd be wrong. One man's cautionary tale from the trenches of tech-savvy casual sex.

They successfully did it on a rabbit, and should be able to work their way up to humans in two years. The wombs will come from dead people.

William Krasnansky, 51, is currently divorcing his wife of ten years. He's also "posted what he calls a fictionalized account of the marriage on his blog." What that means is that he's posted excerpts from a terrible "novel" about how his wife is basically a bitch on his livejournal. His livejournal about his adorable pugs. Now a judge has ordered him to stop blogging about his terrible wife, and it could become a major free speech case. A major free speech case about a livejournal called "Look at my Pugs." Krasnansky's post responding to the judge's order—in adorable cartoon letters with backwards letter 's's, as if written by a pug—may be found after the jump.

Drunk on power after slaying the HD-DVD dragon, Sony rolled into CES `08 with more confidence than Colin Farrell after a couple of key bumps. Eager to gloat but unwilling to pay huge appearance fees, they trotted out Leonard Maltin (the poor man's Roger Ebert) and Dean Devlin (the homeless man's Jerry Bruckheimer) to shill discuss the impact that Blu-Ray will have on the filmmaking process. The two spent a few minutes lamenting the demise of the in-theater viewing experience before launching into orgiastic praise of all things Blu-Ray. After explaining that "home video is no longer an ancillary market, now it's a PRIMARY market", Dean Devlin dropped a radioactive bomb on us.

America's scientists—the best goddamn scientists in the world—have invented a miraculous new drug that, when snorted, cures sleepiness in monkeys. "Americans already recognize that sleepiness is a problem and have long treated it with a variety of stimulants." So what's one more! Unfortunately, the new miracle drug will not act as blogging-enhancer: "It reduces sleepiness without causing edginess." [Wired via Drudge]