This week, God, who is good, demonstrated his disapproval of golf, which is bad, by opening up a series of big-ass sinkholes under Top of the Rock golf course near Branson, Missouri, including one spanning 80 feet across. In his infinite grace, no one was harmed.

BRANSON, MO—Among the things that I dislike most in this world are patriotism, religion, tourist traps, country music, and the Walmart corporation. So I traveled to the one area of this nation that captures them all. It did not go as planned.

Iconic singer Andy Williams passed away today at the age of 84 following a hard-fought bout with bladder cancer.

Gaunt Jewish mysticist Madonna is bringing her Guy-less brood back to New York where she looks to ruin the marriage of Brooklyn Cyclone's mascot Sandy the Seagull. [ES]