At about 20 seconds into the new trailer for Backstreet Boys: Show Em What You're Made Of a disembodied voice (Brian?) asks: "What do you do when you're a full-grown man in a boy band?" This is exactly the kind of question a Backstreet Boys documentary should be asking.

The One Direction boys are pulling one another's pants down during shows. *NSYNC looks dignified by comparison.

Earlier this week, to the delight of the young, the young at heart, gay boys and lecherous cable TV execs all around the globe, British boy band One Direction released the video for their single "Kiss You." This video is a thumbnail illustration of what makes this group so much fun to watch because it is so fucking homoerotic. Most of the boys are on record as women-daters (Harry Styles is apparently insatiable), but their overall image is full of winks, nudges and crotch-grabs. Their perpetual game of are-they-or-aren't-they makes them engaging on a level we've never seen from a prefab pack of kids singing plastic pop.

Malia Obama's favorite band One Direction were on Ellen yesterday. Blindfolded fans felt them up, the uber-doober British boy band performed a song, and Liam Payne touched Harry Styles in the pooper. You can see it in the screenshot right there.

A non-story has emerged as a result of Andy Cohen referring to a members of the boy band One Direction as "twinks," a term used primarily by gay men to describe other boyish, usually young, usually gay men. The band and the Bravo host/exec who's addicted to telling everyone how talkative he is were both on Today yesterday and he tweeted this regarding his initial encounter:

Overhyped boy band rivalries are a thing again. Do you love One Direction or The Wanted? Both is not an option.

Young neighborhood toughs the Backstreet Boys are coming out of retirement to give the world the new BSB tracks it demanded when it got drunk at that 90s-themed happy hour two weeks ago.

Rich Cronin, the lead rap-singer of boy-band LFO—you remember "Summer Girls," right?—died of cancer at age 35. He had been diagnosed with myelogenous leukemia in 2005, and apparently passed away on Wednesday after suffering a stroke.

A nation of 37ish, backwards-looking women screams out in agony today, tearing posters down from their office cubicles and hurling NKOTB-themed Trapper Keepers out the nearest window: The dream is officially over.

Who knew that robbing the Backstreet Boys could have so many financial rewards, on top of the emotional satisfaction? Lou Pearlman, the sleazebag boy band promoter who managed Backstreet and N'Sync, among others, has been ordered to repay $300 million to hundreds of people that he swindled in a Ponzi scheme that played out for decades. But uh, according to our forensic accounting, he might have a little trouble making full restitution:

Following the shocking, quickly refuted accusations of handsy uncleness recently lodged against currently imprisoned boy-band assembler Lou "Big Poppa" Pearlman in the pages of Vanity Fair by some disgruntled former charges, it's hard not to let that salacious baggage taint one's interpretation of what was taking place in this innocent photo appearing in the new issue of the National Enquirer.

Seeking to protect his good, boy-band-shepherding name, currently incarcerated manager Lou "Big Poppa" Pearlman has reached out to Radar to refute accusations made in the November issue of Vanity Fair that part of his proven hit-making formula included taking his underage charges to strip clubs, giving them the occasional aura-enhancing shoulder-and-ab rub, or sharing funny, Whoops! How did that hardcore pornographic footage get onto this rented Star Wars VHS tape? The guy behind the beaded curtain at Tom's Triple X Video Shack will be getting a piece of my mind! male-bonding moments. The best of Pearlman's itemized explanations follow: