In the olden days, if you wanted to buy some pants, you'd go to the clothing store (which was the same as the hardware store, and the pharmacy) and pick out some god damn pants, and buy them, and take them home. Now, thanks to wonders of technology, we live in a time when it is possible to go to the clothing store, pick out some god damn pants, and not buy them, because sir—sir?—I'm afraid those aren't for sale.

Today's Oprah featured—among other things—a report by Lisa Ling on Kanzi, the most famous Bonobo (aka Pygmy Chimpanzee) in the world. What did we learn about Bonobos from the segment? Most notably, that they're bisexual freak-a-leaks! Video inside.