An incredibly inept BMW driver got trapped in a snowy parking lot hell of his own making last week. The resulting surveillance video is a profound lesson in expectations—just when you think theres no way this guy is going to get boxed in again, he goes and gets blocked in again.

Portland, Ore. police responded to a 911 call at around 7 a.m. Tuesday morning from a woman who believed her car was under attack by a pirate. But instead of a routine pirate attack—oh, Portland—they discovered an armored man who claimed he was a High Elf.

Firefighters battling an 8-alarm blaze in East Boston also had to contend with some asshole's brand new BMW, which was parked in front of a fire hydrant they needed to access as quickly as possible. They smashed the car's windows and ran the hose right through the front seat.

Matt Milstead, 36, parked his BMW in a handicapped spot before a playing a game of wheelchair rugby at the YMCA in Grand Rapids, Michigan. When he returned to his car after the game, he found a letter under the door’s handle.

A California man has filed suit against BMW North America after a four hour-ride on his BMW motorcycle turned into a two year party: he claims his bike's custom-installed ridged seat caused him to develop an erection that lasted for twenty months.

Want the experience of owning a BMW but don't have the cash to actually buy one? This magnanimous owner of a new BMW will park their brand new white Bimmer in your driveway: "Cost to you is $0."

A Swiss man has confessed to extorting $10 million from Susanne Klatten, a billionaire German heiress to the BMW fortune, in a bizarre revenge attempt for her family's involvement with the Nazi regime.

If you've been following the real news, you'll recall that Max Mosley is the British Formula 1 racing president who is currently involved in a slight tiff over a video of him having an hours-long Nazi-themed orgy with five hookers. A bit embarrassing for him personally, yes. It's also caused some grumbling among the Formula 1 teams. And now, this sex scandal is reaching its absurd logical conclusion, as its ripples extend into the highest reaches of the world's corporations: BMW and Mercedes-Benz have jointly condemned Mosley's sexual taste as "disgraceful." [BBC]. Because they are the arbiters of morality in sexuality! They're also a bit sensitive about the whole Nazi angle, because, you know, they're from Germany themselves.

GPS device maker TomTom has partnered with Google so TomTom owners can send business name and address information directly from Google Maps to their sat-nav systems wirelessly. This is similar to the Send To Car feature that Google and BMW rolled out earlier this year. [Bloomberg]

In the valley, even Gawker comments have a price. [eBay]
Wifi startup FoN, on a day full of positive news, decides to waste its whuffie by lying about a deal. [Om Malik on GigaOm]
John Battelle says Lycos laid off most of its search team; haven't found any corroboration yet, but that won't keep bloggers from spreading the rumor, right? [Searchblog]
Google's London HQ isn't as snackpacked as Mountain View. [sandeeko on Flickr]
Google punishes BMW's German site; image search for "BMW" now shows happy people at Tiananmen Square. [Bloomberg on AZ Central]