Jay-Z, were you looking for your sister on the subway? If you were, she's here, on NBC4 New York, in the middle of segment about the LIRR.

The anchors on Chicago's WGN-TV are certainly no strangers to embarrassing themselves. So it's a good thing they have some experience, because the broadcast this morning was a delight.

Check out this crazy cat, walking through Univision's weather report. You don't know the weather, cat! Heh. "There are several cats that have turned the Univision parking lot into their home and sometimes they make it into the studio," Univision explains.

Below is a brief but shockingly accurate dramatic reenactment of what you will see in the video above, from last night's campaign coverage:

Is school too easy for kids? A tipster sends us this photograph of South Bend, Indiana's WNDU-TV answering that very question last night. Here's the original:

From the current (July 16) issue of OK! Magazine: "We often see Katie Holmes carrying around 6 year-old daughter Suri— dollies, blankets, and all. But on June 25, the little princess gave mom's back a break as they sprinted through the streets of NYC. With husband Tom Cruise shooting Oblivion in Iceland, the dressed-down Katie enjoyed some just-us-girls time with Suri, stopping by Chelsea Piers, Whole Foods and Jacque Torres Chocolate. They also saw the film Brave in the East Village. The pair rejoined Tom for his 50th birthday on July 3."

We've all been there, posing for Good Housekeeping magazine while inhaling the zesty aroma of a pasta dish so succulent that there's a little movement— ooh— aahh— please turn to page 162 for stain removal tips.

Here's CTV reporter Kent Molgat walking into (spoiler alert) a pole while trying to interview a lawyer. Don't know how they do it up in the frozen north but down here pole-dodging is the first thing you learn in journalism school.

WNBC has decided not to renew longtime anchor Sue Simmons' contract, probably because she is at 68 an old lady — they are of course renewing her co-anchor Chuck Scarborough's contract, but he is at 68 distinguished — and will scare all the youths away from the television. Which is silly, because Sue Scarborough screaming "the fuck are you doing?" at someone (something? a boat?) during a live broadcast a few years ago was more or less the last time I had any interest in WNBC's local news programming.

The children of Colfax Elementary school in Denver thought they were just going to hear their boring old Governor, John Hickenlooper, talk about reading. Instead, he made a hilarious blooper, introducing his Lt. Gov. Joe Garcia as a 'rising sex star' at a literacy event on Wednesday.

Saturday in Britain was a "lovely winter's day," according to this wonderful BBC weather. And what says "lovely winter's day" better than "bucketloads of cunt"?

The New York Daily News has an item today about Super Bowl finger-giver M.I.A. breaking up with her fiancé, Seagrams heir Ben Bronfman, and moving to London away from her three-year-old son. And what's that at the very end of the article? Is that... the original email from the gossip reporter to his or her editor?

"New York is less bookish than Cleveland?" the Daily News wonders incredulously about a study purporting to show the most literate cities in the U.S. One way of determining whether or not that's actually true might be to, say, see which city's hometown paper can spell "literate"?

Dunno, maybe it was just me, but did you guys notice something a little... I don't know... off, about Sequoia Middle School's latest newsletter?

Fox News' orgy of on-screen error continues: On Tuesday, it confused Vermont with New Hampshire and Nevada with Utah. Yesterday it confused Barack Obama with Mitt Romney. And last night, as you see from the clip above, it couldn't figure out which number was bigger: 23 or 22.

There are two possible explanations for these horrendously mislabeled graphics from yesterday's Special Report with Brett Baier: one, that no one at Fox News knows or cares about where Nevada and New Hampshire are; or two, that the network is somehow trying to fool the Obama administration into pumping millions of dollars into Utah, thinking that it's actually Nevada. Not sure which is less embarrassing. [via Media Matters; image via AP]

News 9 weatherman Ashton Altieri must have practiced congratulating his colleague Corey Rose on a major victory by her beloved Indiana team a dozen times: Great job by the Hoosiers, Corey. Be specific Congratulations on the big win by the Hoosiers, Corey. Make it more personal. Congratulations to your Hoosiers, Corey. I got this. Congratulations on your big win, Corey. Hoosiers. Congratulations on your big Hoosiers win, Corey. I'm gonna do great. Hoosiers. I'm a star. Let's roll camera.

News anchor Annie Stensrud of KEYC-TV Mankato, Minn., had some trouble getting through her broadcast on Sunday. Like, could-barely-get-through-a-sentence, slurring-every-third-word trouble. I figured she was drunk, until someone reminded me that most Minnesotans talk funny and have difficulty forming simple thoughts, and that Stensrud's inner Lena was coming out. The most likely scenario, to be honest, is that she's both drunk and Minnesotan, which is a fairly common state of affairs in Minnesota. [via HuffPo]

Meet Ortis Deley! Deley, despite what this video would have you believe, is a professional broadcaster—for the last two years he's hosted The Gadget Show—and he was, until this week, the main presenter of Channel 4's coverage of the World Athletics Championsips. Why did he get fired? Well!

Shep Smith on Fox News this afternoon: "Bratton reportedly says he'd want to be London's cop top. [Pause] Top cock. [Sound of something slamming on desk] Top cop." Don't sweat it, Shep. Sometimes you just get blowjobs on the brain. [YouTube]