Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

Today the text message turns 20, making it a millennial. It's no wonder auto-correct is so entitled.

This is a big fucking deal: everyone wish Joe Biden, and his impossibly perfect teeth, a Happy 70th Birthday.

116-year-old Besse Cooper celebrated another birthday as the world's oldest living person today.

Happy birthday, Whitney Houston. You live on in your daughter's memory — and in her new wrist tattoo.

It's President Obama's 51st birthday. Be on the lookout for the Fox Nation headline about how golf doesn't create jobs.

After finding God in the Lynwood Celebrity Jail, one-time trainwreck Nicole Richie rode out her 20s having perfect babies, writing perfect books, and designing perfect fashions. Today she celebrates her 30th birthday, probably with sorbet. [Image via AP]

It was fifteen years ago next month that the malevolent force known as Fox News Channel first ruptured Rupert Murdoch's birth-sac and emerged, steaming and foul, onto our television screens. The gang is all getting together to celebrate the upcoming special day with a party tonight at Chelsea Piers in Manhattan. Chelsea Piers, right on 11th Avenue around 23rd St. Everyone will be there—Roger, Bill, Gretchen, Steve, Sean, Jesse, Rupert. Go say hi!

Today marks the 65th birthday anniversary of legendary Queen frontman Freddie Mercury, and to celebrate the Googles have come up with this animated tribute inspired by the late, great(est) singer's lyrics, whimsical style, and flashy stage costumes.

Hollywood child bride Courtney Stodden turns 17 today, reducing the age gap with her creepy actor husband Doug Hutchison to a mere 34 years. Doug gave Courtney a shopping spree at Victoria's Secret and a trip to Disneyland for her birthday.

Well, this is somehow fitting. No 2,000-person parties. No Jennifer Hudsons singing "Happy Birthday." No staff cheeseburger outings. No, the other 50th birthday of note in the administration—that of bedraggled Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner—was observed with only a single cupcake, poised on a Starbucks cup, barely sturdy enough to support the "5" and "0" candles lodged into its modest crown of icing, sprinkles and crushed nuts. Hang in there, Franzy. [Flickr via Atlantic Wire]

Today isn't only the day Elvis died. It's the day another pop legend, Madonna, was born. She was spotted celebrating today in London with her kids and her new 24-year-old boyfriend. Boy, he really does fit the mold.

The mischievous scribes at Fox Nation are lighting up Twitter with this magisterial headline-photo combination about President Obama's private White House birthday party yesterday. The "Hip-Hop BBQ" didn't even create any jobs! This guy doesn't even deserve to be 50 years old.

President Obama turned 50 on Thursday and the stock market responded by crashing, so it's safe to say that any birthday celebrations at the White House today were probably a bit subdued. But what did Obama do to mark the occasion? On tonight's Late Show, David Letterman ventured some guesses as part of his Top 10 list. Video of the segment is above.

Baggy-eyed, battered and desperately in need of a cigarette, President Barack Obama limped across the birthday finish line today, making it to a round half-century: Our Commander-in-Chief is now 50 years old.

Slate editor David Plotz explores a crucial technological puzzle in an article today: What happens when you befriend hundreds of strangers on Facebook, then lie to them and say it's your birthday? Turns out they wish you happy birthday, which proves the internet is destroying us all.

MTV turns 30 today. Instead of taking it out for an overpriced dinner and making jokes about how it's old, we compiled this video with some of the high and low spots of the channel's history—from Madonna's infamous "Like a Virgin" at the first Music Video Awards to Puck on The Real World, Downtown Julie Brown, and Jersey Shore.

The deadline for raising the debt ceiling—after which the U.S. is likely to default—is August 2. President Obama's birthday is August 4. Coincidence? Not according to America's stupidest congressman, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R - Texas)!

President Obama will become a Man, finally, when he turns 50 on August 4 — the same day our first post-debt ceiling deadline interest payment is due! Yikes, let's forget about that. Because Obama will have some other priorities on this day of days: raking in as much money as possible for his campaign. You can't turn him down on his birthday, either; it would be against the Geneva Conventions, maybe.

Unlike Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Oprah, you weren't invited to Julian Assange's 40th birthday bash yesterday in Norfolk, England. Neither were we. But we've snagged an invite anyway. Here's a copy of the email sent to a few dozen of "The Most Dangerous Man in the World's" friends before the party.