In an interview with Cosmopolitan.com, Hillary Clinton lay responsibility for the “C.P. time” skit she appeared in with Bill de Blasio and Hamilton’s Leslie Odom Jr. at the New York City mayor’s feet.

Last night Bill de Blasio defended a joke he made about “colored person time” by explaining the joke for people who didn’t understand how funny it was—a strategy as old as time.

In the wake of appearing on camera to butcher a stale and distinctly unfunny race joke with an extremely high profile candidate for the most important office in the United States of America, mayor Bill de Blasio has been dealt yet another unlucky card today. And it’s only Monday!

William K. Rashbaum and Al Baker of The New York Times have a deep dive into the ongoing and increasingly complex federal investigation of two fundraisers associated with a non-profit called the Campaign for One New York, which supported the election of New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio in 2013. Investigators are apparently trying to figure out whether those fundraisers, a real estate executive named Jona Rechnitz and a consultant Jeremy Reichberg, obtained favorable treatment from de Blasio’s administration in exchange for monetary support of the Democrat’s campaign. The problem, though, is that....nobody seems to know what prompted the investigation in the first place:

Despite his earlier insistence that everything between himself and the Clinton campaign is hunky-dory, Mayor Bill de Blasio still seems to be having a heck of a time convincing the high profile presidential candidate to appear in the same room with him.

The New York City municipal government would like for the city’s hordes of can collectors to stop collecting cans from curbside garbage. Hey: just let them collect the damn cans.

On MSNBC this morning, feminist ally and New York City mayor Bill de Blasio said that he doesn’t think Hillary Clinton needs to release the transcripts of her speeches to Goldman Sachs. “I don’t care about those speeches. I care about what’s in her platform,” he said.

Have you heard? The Manhattan District Attorney says you will no longer go to jail for publicly drinking and peeing in his borough. You may want to hold it in for just a minute before you start celebrating.

Are you scared of homeless people? Subway dancers? Anyone poor enough to take the subway at all? Do dreams of squeegee men washing windshields with their own public urination keep you up at night? It’s time you ratcheted those fears up—how does “disorder and chaos unlike anything we’ve seen or imagined” strike your fancy?

Letters between city and state officials concerning violence in New York City’s shelter system, provided to the New York Times, indicate that the simmering feud between Governor Andrew Cuomo and Mayor Bill de Blasio may have boiled over once again.

This afternoon, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio’s Twitter account posted the above photo of a sandwich at the recently reopened Carnegie Deli, along with the caption “America.” It got us wondering: Is de Blaz more of a Carnegie partisan or a Katz’s guy? The answer, his people told Gawker, is neither.

Over the weekend, several New York City public officials made statements about the need for oversight or reform of a law that allows the NYPD to kick people out of their apartments without charging them of crimes. Mayor Bill de Blasio’s voice was distinctly absent from the chorus.

A proposal to drastically limit the size of New York City’s horse-and-carriage industry—an issue of bizarre significance to Bill de Blasio’s mayoral administration—will not be voted on by the City Council this Friday, the Wall Street Journal and New York Times are reporting.

In his State of the City speech on Thursday—attendance at which his administration is working very diligently to limit to friendly faces only—Mayor Bill de Blasio will unveil, among other things, his proposal to build a streetcar line along the East River, connecting Sunset Park, Brooklyn, with Astoria, Queens.

Today, the most heat-generating issue in New York City—the issue that is prompting our council to consider a measure that it has never used before, according to one member—is not homelessness, or a lack of affordable housing, or even the L Train apocalypse—but the fate of the horse-and-carriage industry. How did we get here?

When New York Mayor Bill de Blasio approached his old boss Hillary Clinton about campaigning on her behalf in Iowa, her campaign said no thanks, that won’t be necessary, he told the Times. Rather than accept that snub gracefully, de Blasio went to Iowa anyway and performed what amounted to entry-level volunteer work. Take a hint, my man.

New York City mayor and giant among men Bill de Blasio has announced that he will not be attending this year’s Groundhog Day ceremony. Does his decision have anything to do with the sudden, mysterious death of the very same groundhog he sent flying just days prior back in 2014? We’ll let you decide.

Ever since commissioner Bill Bratton took command of the NYPD in 2014, the department has placed special focus on arresting people who commit small crimes like public urination and panhandling. If a widely supported new legislation package in City Council is any indication, that may soon change. Get your pee on! Because this is excellent news.

The Courageous Conservatives PAC, which supports Ted Cruz, released a new campaign ad on Monday criticizing Donald Trump’s (actually hilarious) endorsement of Bill de Blasio for New York City mayor. When the scary voice-over mentions the mayor siding with “P.C. liberals to let the homeless run wild on city streets,” it shows an image of an elderly black man speaking into a megaphone. However, this photograph is from a demonstration against the de Blasio administration’s homelessness policies—specifically, the aggressive deployment of the NYPD in East Harlem to harry and harass the homeless people who live there.

Chicken-sandwich chain Chick-fil-A—a God-fearing corporation led by people unafraid to speak out against gay marriage—opened its first store in New York City in October. Just months later, on Christmas Eve of all days, the city slammed the restaurant with six health code violations, leading managers to close the place down for almost a week. Coincidence? Or godless liberal conspiracy?