Donald Trump called in to Fox and Friends this morning to comment on Miss World's decision to nix bikinis in the Indonesian competition so as not to offend the country's large Muslim population:

For the second year in a row, Kate Upton's boobs are the face of Sports Illustrated's annual swimsuit issue. This time, however, she almost died putting them there.

The most vivid memory that the majority of Americans have of the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, apart from the awe-inspiring opening ceremonies which will no doubt be bested tonight by the appearance of over two dozen Mary Poppinses, was that odd 40-day stretch in which women's beach volleyball was the only thing on television. Not the only competition being broadcast on the NBC Olympic channels. Not the only sport on all the sports channels. Literally the only thing being shown at any time on any channel, including HBO which is not even TV, it's HBO, was women's beach volleyball.

Doug Guller, owner of the Austin-based "breastaurant" chain Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill, has appointed himself the mayor of Bankersmith, Texas after purchasing the one-horse, two-acre ghost town for a bargin basement price through Craigslist.

"COURTNEY SHEBER IS AMERICA'S HOTTEST COLLEGE GIRL," the website Tempe12 declares boldly. But is she? A careful reading of the 19-photo gallery reveals not just the failure of language at the horizon of desire, but the destabilizing nature of desire itself.

Today we learned about a gravity-defying, rack-baring swim suit brought to you by the Titstress herself, JWoww. Just in time for the holidays, one commenter shared with us the actual transcript (see also: not the actual transcript) from Stick2U bikini infomercial.

I do not understand the physics of JWoww's slutty new bikini line, which performs the heretofore unimaginable feat of being even sluttier than JWoww's slutty clothing line.

Octomom Nadya Suleman has disrobed again, this time for America's trashiest magazine Steppin' Out.

[This bikini encased in ice was displayed in Times Square today to make New Yorkers want to visit Ft. Lauderdale. But it may just remind you of how much weight you have to lose before summer. Image via AP]

As a young model, America's foremost wet dream Christina Hendricks posed for a trippy Playboy editorial, in which she donned a blonde wig and silver lamé bikini to romp with a greased-up Speedo model and a crazy clown.

Meet Staci Child, the stepdaughter of Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard. She just starred in a sexy photo shoot for "lad mag" Zoo wearing an Australian flag bikini, and waving the Australian flag. Want to see some photos?

The Short List is VH1's latest incarnation of its "Best Week Ever" franchise, and in the midst of an episode devoted to Hollywood Beach Bodies, they presented navel evidence suggesting that these three celebrities were spawned in an underground laboratory.

A couple weeks ago, Fox & Friends' disgruntled hedgehog Brian Kilmeade dumbly implied that inter-culture marriages aren't pure. And a lot of people got mad! So this morning, back from a relaxing vacay in Bermuda or something, he apologized.

This sexualization of mass-produced, tongue-pleasing food will continue forever, because selling the myth of easy sex to men and the myth of being able to eat fast food while maintaining a model-esque body to women in one fell swoop is just too damn effective—especially when paired with cheap food products designed to activate our mouth's pleasure centers—because people are basically dumb animals. That burger looks gross though.
[via Adrants]

Former BFFs Heather Locklear and Denise Richards have each enjoyed watching the other's respective star status fall farther with each passing year, but the good news is they both share something in common to smile about. While it's not exactly an Emmy, they both look hot in bikinis. Heather's gone from starring in a hit primetime drama and being the object of many a male fantasy to her current role in a Lifetime movie about women over 40 or something. And Denise? Well, after impressing nearly every male on the planet with her pouty lips and lesbian pool antics in Wild Things, she earned the title of Mrs. Charlie Sheen (quite an honor, indeed). Now? She's filming some kind of reality show that no one cares about. What do we care about? Who looks better in their red bikinis, and who's the better surfer! Judge for yourselves after the jump:

For an actress without any implants to show off, Sienna Miller is officially one of the least inhibited stars around. Our friends at Egotastic have caught the sweet talker revealing her naughty bits in the past, and earlier this year we learned about her habit of getting busy in restaurant wine cellars. And now, it seems the ocean's ability to remove her bikini top led Sienna to turn a day at the beach into an opportunity to pretend she was on a nude one for a while, chit chatting topless and waiting longer than one usually does to fix a loose suit.

What's a girl to do when the only headlines she's making involve DUIs and smoking the reefer? Why, pose for highly styled, candid-ish bikini shoot with the photo agency widely known for setting up highly styled, candid-ish bikini shoots of course! Mischa Barton put on her designer bikini best, got her hair did and brought along props like books and hats to the beach yesterday to act her way through a series of paparazzi shots, in an attempt to prove to the world that she can read (!) and pick her own wedgies (!).

We're fans of surprises here at Defamer, especially when they involve young female stars in bikinis. So when we came across these photos of Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen in their itty bitty swimsuits on Egotastic, we were admittedly shocked. Considering all those years-old anorexia rumors, coupled with endless paparazzi shots making the tiny twins look roughly 80 pounds combined, we'd expect a somewhat fear-filled reaction upon seeing MK and Ash undressed. But you know what? Hugh Hefner may not have been crazy after all when he decided the twins would be ideal candidates for his next Playboy spread. Even if the camera does add poundage, we're seeing muscle tone and curves. Take a closer look at the full gallery, up close and personal, after the jump.

It's no longer shocking to see a celebrity waltzing around the beach post-op (Courtney Love, anyone?) but, thankfully, most celebs remember to remove their bandages before donning their itsy bitsys. But what if said bandages are there for life? And in the form of their own flesh? Well, if they belong to surgery-happy Patricia Heaton, we will all have the pleasure of viewing them! In light of recent photos showing Ray Romano's television wife in her bikini and missing one bellybutton, the Huffington Post dug up some slightly unreadable details on the magically disappearing must-have and the revelations, like the photos, are not pretty: