Tabloid hussie-hisser Andrea Peyser usually ends up writing about sex fiends, but that's only because sex fiends are the city's greatest menace. She is always alert for other menaces. Like bicyclists—foreigner bicyclists.

Sex vs. dieting! Childhood obesity debates! Bamboo bikes! Genius t-shirts! Swimming while criminal! And an easy way to beat anger, for stupid jerks! It's your Thursday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—while ignoring our own!

Fed up with "Yuppies"—and the city officials who "allow them into the neighborhood"—some lunatic is injecting Krazy Glue into random bike locks in fauxhemian Williamsburg, for justice. "No bike is safe." Goodness. [Brooklyn Paper; Pic via]

Dan Maes, a silly Republican running for Colorado governor, says that his potential Democratic challenger, Denver mayor John Hickenlooper, is "converting Denver into a United Nations community" via his efforts to promote bike-riding, which "could threaten our personal freedoms." Seriously.

["Good Day New York" host Greg Kelly rides the first elliptical bike on his show today; image via Splash]

The World Naked Bike Ride took place this past weekend to protest overdependence on cars. A good message, but why is bike solidarity always naked? If biking without a helmet is dangerous, shouldn't nude biking be, too?

One heavily tattooed L.E.S. bike messenger lost a bike belonging to his roommate, another heavily tattooed L.E.S. bike messenger. Solution: Judge Judy. Sir, you paid how much for that bike? On what planet, sir? [BBNYC via City Room]

This little girl may be on a tiny bike, but her moves are huge.

First Urban Outfitters started peddling them. Now, Hipster of the Decade blog Hipster Runoff notices that Walmart is selling fixed gear bicycles. It's official: The number one cause of fauxhemian crashes on Bedford Avenue is no longer cool.

In this video he attempts to learn with a little help from dad. Now he just needs to learn how to share and how to tie shoes and he'll be on his way to becoming a fully functioning adult!

Today, a poorly constructed bike ramp revolts by flinging its builder into a lake. This actually could have been really disastrous and painful, but this video almost makes it look like fun!

Objectively speaking, some 24 year-olds repainting bike lanes on the street ranks in the bottom 10% of New York crime stories on any given day. But since they are HIPSTERS who love to ride bikes battling THE JEWS who hate hipsters and their immodest bike-riding attire, there in Williamsburg, in a sexxxy culture clash, well then. Two bike lane repainters got arrested and now the cultural martyrdom grows deeper:

The Washington Post discovers a new trend: "Fixed gear bikes," which young folks are reportedly riding all over DC, trendily. This is why we need newspapers. You just don't get this stuff from blogs. [WaPo. Pic via]

Vaguely annoying Brit writer and Top Chef judge Toby Young was hit by a car while riding his bike in London last week, but he's going to be okay. Here, his busted head. [Toby's blog]

If you only watch one video of a guy doing insane, mind-blowing, beautiful tricks on a bike, in Edinburgh, make it this one. In-fucking-credible.

Everybody say goodbye to NYPD officer Patrick Pogan, famous for shoving a rider off his bike for no good reason—he's been fired. He'd probably make a better Benedictine monk, anyhow. Pogan's classic moment below:

Click to viewBoomp3.com Embattled Disney tween mega star Miley Cyrus proved to the world that she has nothing up her sleeves nor any intention of pulling a practical joke on nearby civilians. Its been rumored that Hannah Montana has been tormenting the sleepy Toluca Lake community with a wave of ding dong ditches and late night Huffy bicycle races. Yet Cyrus remained steadfast in denial of being involved in any shenanigans. Cyrus said, “That wasn’t me, y’all. I’m just too busy to ding dong ditch somebody unless it was that cranky old Mr. Cruthers. He’s soooo weird. Okay, I ding dong ditched his house, but that was it.” [Photo Credit: INF Daily] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Consider the feud: It's the flame that fuels the blogosphere, the stuff that sells the glossy mags, the only reason anyone outside of barely legal dyslexic nymphets has heard of Doug Dechert. After the jump we take a quick look at a few of the feuds that have been happening this week and choose up sides.

The wonders of email brought this heartwarming tale to Gawker HQ:

We went looking for the promised Judy Miller-penned report about how she was sent to prison to break her brother out, or whatever the story will be once the lawyers vet it, but we very, very quickly got distracted. As did, if the most emailed list is any indication, everyone else.