After his elderly owners could no longer care for him, Obie the Dachshund was handed over to Oregon Dachshund Rescue for re-homing.

Marathon knees! Sports psychology! Biggest Loser workouts! Kettlebell ignorance! Football training! Booty fat! And the path to elite eliteness! It's your Wednesday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—dismissively, jealously, or, both!

On December 31 everyone is thinking about ways to improve themselves for the coming year. Why bother? That will all be forgotten by February 12, and then you'll still have problems and be a failure. But we're here to help!

Sure, reality TV has been around longer, but starting in 2000, it really hit the big time. Everyone professes to hate it, but this cheap, tawdry programming has become an easy staple, and it's changing every minute.

Today at Gawker.TV, awkward on-air silences our favorite TV News anchors, Tiger Woods on the Bob Hope Show, yet another bad Nic Cage movie trailer, an engagement proposal on The Biggest Loser, and how women should properly handle their firearms.

Most obese Americans, meaning most Americans, have given up hope of ever losing that weight unless they can land a spot as a contestant on NBC's Biggest Loser. Unfortunately, Biggest Loser is made of 100% evil.

· No, it's not Martha Stewart sharing the story of a friend who went "into the wild" and never returned. Nor is it Joey Pants discussing suicide and clinical depression. But the above clip of The View co-host Sherri Shepherd (who, we're discovering, may have something of an anal/genital fixation) and Martha snip-snipping away at parallel Halloween costume while saying the word "crotch" with alarming frequency makes us uncomfortable in a new and exciting way. Are we getting a little weirdly obsessed with this show and Stewart's uncanny recent ability to produce moments that give us the willies? Maybe so. But? Crotch. Crotchcrotchcrotch.
· Good news: Jon Stewart's signed on for another two more years of Daily Show duty.
· For those who feel the Teri Hatcher mask might be too creative a Halloween choice, here are some safer, less imaginative costume alternatives.
· Now Ashton Kutcher knows why he's had unexpected sexual feelings while watching The Osbournes.
· Someone should probably tell the people trying to drop pounds as quickly as The Biggest Loser contestants that all the weight loss on the show is done with CGI and creative editing.