It was exactly one year and one day ago that Richard Matt, the big-dicked murderer, may god rest his soul, escaped from Clinton Correctional Facility alongside his friend David Sweat, the murderer whose dick is of indeterminate size, pictured above. According to a scathing report state investigators released to mark the anniversary, Clinton guards made the two men’s escape much easier than it should have been.

Convicted killer, escape artist and reputed cocksman Richard Matt got shot three times in the head Friday, but cops say he probably went out feeling no pain (they think he was wasted.)