If you are reading these words from a hospital, chances are you either are about to or already have died. Very sorry that's how things shook out for you, but that's what you get for going to the hospital in July.

First, MacLaren strollers ate up your baby's fingers. Then, your naturalistic baby sling smothered your baby. And now, Simplicity and Graco cribs are being recalled, because they will "suffocate or strangle" your baby. Your baby! Your baby! Your baby! [Pic]

WARNING: An unauthorized butt enhancer may be on the loose in Manhattan. The Post breaks an EXCLUSIVE story this morning about Kimberly Smedley, a wanton, unauthorized woman with no medical training who offers black market silicone injections out of an East 39th St. hotel. For $1,600, Smedley promises women "J.Lo butts." But if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.