The Anti-Defamation League, eager as ever to publicize menaces to the Jewish people, fears Bernie Madoff's $50 billion swindle has led to a flood of online Jew-hating. Among Internet commenters. How convenient for the ADL!

Bernie Madoff won't be seeing much sunlight for the forseeable future. A judge modified Madoff's bail conditions late this afternoon and ruled that unless he has to make an appearance in court, he'll be subject to round-the-clock home detention in his Manhattan apartment. He'll also required to pay out-of-pocket to have a security firm keep watch in order "to prevent harm or flight" (which may be tough for him to do considering his assets were frozen earlier today), and "video monitoring" of his apartment doors was also imposed. He is, however, still free to sit in front of his TV set. And, naturally, he's more than welcome to call us if he's in the mood for Chinese food.

You know this Madoff thing is out of control when you have socialites huddled outside Bernie's apartment waiting for him to make an appearance. Peter Davis (Tinsley Mortimer's honest-to-God half-brother in law!) reports that he's "obsessed" with the case—"It's all I can read or think about"—and says he turned up at 8:45 am, coffee in hand, hoping to get a glimpse of Bernie leaving his building when his 9 o'clock curfew expired. Unfortunately, he came up empty, but he did get a chance to talk to the owner of a local newsstand, who revealed to Davis that Madoff occasionally stopped by to pick up a copy of Forbes. (We're sure the staff of Forbes will be thrilled to hear the news.) Davis also says that he plans on "staking out" Madoff's building "all weekend." So if you have nothing better to do, you can head over there yourself. You might get lucky and meet both Peter and Bernie in person! [Paper Mag]

As if it wasn't bad enough that Bernie Madoff is accused of carrying out the biggest financial fraud in the history of the world, there's evidence that he may have cheated at golf, too. "They say you can tell a lot about a businessman from his golf game," explains Catherine Rampell on the Times' Economix blog. "Perhaps golf partners should have paid more attention to Bernard Madoff's handicap." What does Madoff's handicap tell us? Well, it seems his scores were "eerily consistent," even after he took a year off in between games. But there's more to chew on, conspiracy theorists: His handicap was a 12, which correlates to the 12 percent annual return that he promised many of his investors. On a related note, we've been informed he had precisely 12 candles on his birthday cake the year following his 11th birthday. Just so you know.

A Wall Street bailout. An auto bailout. A housing bailout. And now, the last straw: a Bernie Madoff bailout. Pass the bucket: my stomach needs a bailout.

New York Social Diary got a pic of Ponzi ponce Bernie Madoff watching TV in his enormous Upper East Side apartment at 9pm last night. What could he be watching?

The foible-filled comeback of Eliot Spitzer continues! It turns out the luv guv—who does know about Wall Street—lost money to hedge fund scammer Bernie Madoff, like everyone else. And it's Slate's fault!:

• President Bush announced a rescue plan for General Motors and Chrysler that will provide $13.4 billion in federal loans. [CNN]
• Jamie Dimon and Bob Rubin will go bonus-less this year. [Reuters]
• Not surprisingly, Credit Suisse's plan to pay out bonuses with "toxic" securities has "elicited livid reactions from senior bankers." [WSJ]
• A former Lehman employee has been charged with insider trading. [CNN]
• One person who will profit from the Madoff mess: Bruce Wasserstein. Lazard has been appointed to sell the trading operations of Madoff's company. [WSJ]
• There are two—yes, two—books already in the works about Madoff. [TBS]

David Patrick Columbia comes through in a big way today: The social chronicler managed to get his hands on a photo of Bernie Madoff watching TV in his living room last night! The pic was taken at 9pm—his evening curfew is 7pm—so Madoff didn't have any choice but to be home. But what was he watching? The only thing spookier than the sight of New York's most hated man parked in front of the TV putting pretzels in his mouth is the thought that he might have watching himself on television, too.

A contract has already been cut with former Time and Fortune writer Richard Behar for a book on ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff, arrested one week ago today. Joe Nocera, ear your heart out!

Alleged $50 billion swindler Bernie Madoff has been confined to his house between the hours of 9 p.m. and 7 a.m. Ah, but which house?

We paid a visit to Bernie Madoff's Manhattan apartment last night (or at least the Chinese food deliveryman we sent over did). But what about the houses in Palm Beach and Montauk? On the left, you'll see Madoff's digs in Florida. The photo on the right is of his beachfront home on Long Island. Brokers interested in offering up these homes on Madoff's behalf can reach out to the man who will be charging Madoff $750 an hour for the next four years or so, Ira Sorkin.

All Bernie Madoff coverage [Cityfile]

Jeremy Piven can't make any more curtain calls because he was poisoned with (ahem) "mercury," people are assualting Bernie Madoff's broker now and tender meat reuintes J.Lo and Mark Anthony.

• The Journal is reporting that GM and Chrysler have resumed merger talks, although both companies have denied it. Chrysler has, however, said that it plans to shut down production for a month. [WSJ, Bloomberg, DB]
• Morgan Stanley employees will see bonuses drop by half this year. [NYP]
• Partners at Goldman Sachs may see bonuses fall by 80 percent. [FT]
• Mary Schapiro will head up the SEC in the Obama administration. [MW]
• More on the efforts to expose Bernie Madoff many years earlier, concerns that were brought to the SEC and ignored. [WSJ]
• Real estate execs in NYC have been particularly hard hit by Madoff. [NYT]
• What to do if you lost a fortune to Bernie Madoff? Sue someone. [FT, NYP]

A few things to keep in mind if you're thinking of sending Chinese food to the most hated man in New York after curfew. If you call China Fun on 64th and Second and ask them if it's possible to dictate a message and have it included with the order, you should expect the woman on the other end of the phone to be a bit baffled by the request and put you on hold so she can ask her manager. (They'll do it. Just explain that you're sending the food to a sick friend. We snidely included the biblical saying "This too shall pass," but you can probably come up with something better.) Don't know what Bernie likes to eat? Neither did we, but since it's been reported he's fond of steak from the Palm, we went with the shredded beef in garlic sauce. (He is kosher, though, so you probably want to steer clear of any pork dishes.) The big challenge, we soon learned, isn't getting the Chinese food to Bernie's building. It's making it past the doorman.

[Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff, who's on partial house arrest until he faces trial for robbing everyone of billions of dollars, takes a leisurely stroll through the Upper East Side this afternoon; image via Getty]

You know what we just noticed? The 'Bernie Madoff Robs Everyone and Alienates His Family' story is kind of similar to that of the Bluth family from the brilliant-but-canceled Arrested Development. Let's do a who's-who comparison!

When we saw the photos of Bernie Madoff returning home a few hours ago, we didn't realize he'd also been pushed by angry pedestrians! Were there Madoff victims waiting outside his building for him to return? Did some random passerby feel a sudden urge to exact revenge and give him a good shove? It's unclear, but someone deserves a big bouquet of flowers from Mort Zuckerman or Steven Spielberg this evening!

The courts are doing everything possible to make this nasty legal situation comfortable for Hedge Fund Hustler Bernie Madoff, who after all only set billions of dollars on fire. Stay home and rest, Bernie: