Today in inspired feats of profound boredom: eBay user The_Heppcat claims he typed the entirety of Moby Dick on four rolls of single-ply toilet paper to win a bet. (Or for the most labor-intensive "Dick up your butt" punchline in human history.)

Yesterday, several Huffington Post whistleblowers came forward to describe boss Arianna Huffington talking on the phone while going to the bathroom. Today, two new whistleblowers describe overheard power-shitting sessions, this time involving the White House Correspondents Dinner and daughter Isabella's matriculation at Yale.

Mets centerfielder Angel Pagan delayed last night's game because he was in the bathroom pooping. Apparently Pagan "felt a rumble at the end of the fourth" and ended up spending a significant portion of the fifth shitting, while his coach screamed his name from the dugout in vain. The announcers stalled! The crowd booed! His team played miserably! (The Phillies won 10-0.) But all that is beside the point. The point: What fecal nickname of shame shall we bestow upon Angel Pagan, problematic pooper of the New York Mets?

[This is 50 Cent leaving a bathroom at the CES electronics show in Las Vegas. If you have to ask why, you'll never understand America. Image via Getty]

Poor George Michael. Just weeks after completing his first world tour in fifteen years, the singer was busted in a London public bathroom for drug possession. The police report doesn't name Michael, but sources confirmed to the British press that he was busted Friday for crack possession after a suspicious bathroom attendant tipped off the cops. This comes after his famous 1998 arrest by an undercover officer for lewd conduct in a Beverly Hills bathroom, and his 2006 adventure when he plead guilty to driving under the influence of drugs after being found slumped over the wheel of his car and was forbidden to drive for two years. This time, the law is taking it easy on the former Wham front man.