All told, things could have turned out a whole lot worse for Dez Heal, a 13-year-old boy from Lynchburg, Virginia, who was playing a game of ninja with his friends when he accidentally fell onto the bamboo spear he was using as a sword. The spear went through his neck, but avoided all major arteries, and when his father saw what he had done, he "calmly and collectedly" dialed 911. (That's actually the part of the story I have the hardest time processing.) It took five hours in an emergency room, but they finally got the splinter out and sewed Dez back up again. Yup, good as new.

Supposedly eco-friendly cloth made from bamboo is in fact evil and made with toxic chemicals and you might as well wear panda-hide while driving a Humvee and shooting rockets at pretty little birdies.