Like Hamlet and Maury, Gossip Girl is often about paternity. Is he my father? Is he not my father? Is my new dad poisoning my mother? Who's your daddy? So many important questions, so few DNA tests.

This doesn't bode well for the forthcoming Baldwin-Streep-Martin rom-com. Baldwin the Elder says his film career has been "a complete failure" and he's quitting in 2012.