Paul Ryan’s “daily gym workout is from 6:30 am to 8 am: P90X, yoga, crossfit, cycling/spin.” Every fitness nightmare made flesh. Appropriate.

It's Christmas!!!!! But who cares, because it's RUINED.

Bret Stephens, the deputy editorial page editor for the Wall Street Journal and recipient of the 2013 Pulitzer Prize for Commentary, is a fundamentally bad person, as he explains in his newspaper column today.

Last week, two men were released after spending 30 years in prison in North Carolina. They were falsely convicted of rape and murder in 1983. They were both exonerated by DNA evidence. The man who prosecuted them is, proudly, no pussy.

Last night, for the first time in 95 years, the Boston Red Sox won the World Series at home in Fenway Park. Fuck the city of Boston, in general.

Public-relations sewer pipe Lanny Davis is having a little moment. Fresh off his urging of mean and vicious NFL owner Daniel Snyder to be less abrasive about his refusal to change his team's racist name, the "crisis manager" has joined the list of people helping Alex Rodriguez in the drug-linked slugger's battle with Major League Baseball.

Jason Horowitz has written a fun little profile of New York Post sex columnist Andrea Peyser. Let's just pull a quote from Andrea Peyser, at random:

Ponzi schemer to the stars Ken Starr pleaded guilty today to wire fraud, money laundering, and investment advisor fraud; his plea deal will put him behind bars for10-12 years. His pole-dancing wife was "notably absent" from the courtroom. [image via]

Kate Major quit her job at Star after falling in "love" with Octodad Jon Gosselin and living happily ever after for a month or so. But she didn't do it on a whim; she had the world's most comical "contract!"

Keith Olbermann and Rupert Murdoch's media empire keep adding to their illustrious history of mutual hatred. Last month, the Murdoch-owned Post's Page Six accused the broadcaster of valuing ketchup more than the memory of the newly dead Tim Russert. Earlier this week, Page Six ran a particularly provocative item accusing Olbermann of being, uh, too nice to the departed Tony Snow. And last night, Olbermann had his revenge for that; he was forced to call Page Six "sick, sick people" and big liars for all their lying lies. Click to watch his righteous thunder. We report and you decide, ha ha!

Zimbabwean dictator and overall monster Robert Mugabe is one of the world's top bad guys. But if you're running an ad agency in Zimbabwe, hey, work is work. So a firm called Imago—owned by Young & Rubicam, the US ad giant—made a bunch of ads for Mugabe's "re-election" campaign. Now Y&R is falling over itself to cut its ties with Imago, possibly because Mugabe's wickedness has been front-page news in the US for the last week. The fun part: the ads sucked big time! Especially the one that looks like a wicked political acid trip. And we have the evidence:

Jackie Warner, the personal trainer star of Bravo's reality show Workout and popular fantasy girlfriend of straight women, is facing a fan backlash for acting rude on the show. They're calling for a boycott! Apparently she fired a guy named Peeler (rudely), and now she's being branded as a "negative icon to the gay community." Harsh! Shouldn't that type of forceful condemnation be reserved for, you know, Perez Hilton? [LA Rag Mag]

So, anybody catch last night's episode of Fox's show, "You're A Dirty Whore, Aren't You?" Okay, I see here the formal title is "Moment of Truth." Last night, a blonde, curly-haired hostess/ model from New York hit the trifecta by insulting her mother, insulting her friend, and proving herself to be a dirty, bad girl. Whoa, Fox was just as outraged as you were! Why is it so hard to find clean-living people for these reality shows? In perfect form, the guest proved that both her current and former boyfriend are smug assholes (simply by allowing them to show their faces), and then proceeded to confidently continue to sell her honor past the point of no return. And how much money did she walk away with in exchange? The highlight clip is below. This show makes my soul feel weird.

The New York Post this morning puts a total of four reporters on the trail of Lauren Cleri, the bad woman who ruined her husband's life on national television this week by revealing her cheating heart on the Fox show "Moment of Truth." She wasn't that hard to track down, but you need some support in touch and go reporting situations like this. The stunning headline: WIFE: I DID IT FOR THE TV MONEY [NYP]. She's still telling the truth, at least. Cleri said she was surprised at the attention the couple's meltdown in front of 8 million viewers got, because she didn't think they were "going to stand out." Well then. It's hard for her too, you know; a message on her MySpace page (below) trumpets the depth of her despair.

It was bound to happen eventually and, last night, it did: 'The Hills' heroine L. C. faced off with her archnemesis Heidi at a party. Heidi made friendly overtures but Lauren wouldn't talk to her unless she apologized. But Heidi maintained that she hasn't done anything wrong! (She did. Sex tape, something something). There was a lot of meaningful blinking and music that told you how to feel. Then Lauren said two profound and true things: "Having your boyfriend do your dirty work for you doesn't make you innocent" and "You're a bad person." She may not be smart, but she is a good judge of character.