When the BBC referred to Azerbaijan's Ilham Aliyev as the "Pre-Determined President," they weren't kidding around.

Yesterday, we brought you the very worst (and therefore the best) offering from the 2011 Eurovision contest: Moldova's entry "So Lucky," which wasn't so much a catchy pop song as it was a command performance by the Satan-worshipping garden gnomes living inside David Lynch's small intestine. Today, we bring you the very best (and therefore the very worst) that this surreal music competition has to offer. It's this year's winner, "Running Scared," from dark horse competitor Azerbaijan. If you can make it past the two-minute mark, you're rewarded with cascades of hellfire.

Hillary Clinton, trying to allay Georgian fears about U.S.-Russian relations: "We can walk and chew gum at the same time." Okay.