"I feel guilty," Jon Gosselin laments to "America's Rabbi," Shmuley Boteach. Rabbi Shmuley talked to Jon on his bima about asking the world for forgiveness. We dispatched our Black Ops spy to the scene. One word: Wow. This is absurd.

Richard and Mayumi Heene, the parents of Falcon, who is missing after having apparently floated away in a helium balloon-craft built by his parents, have left a long and wide internet trail. Here's what we know.

David Malakoff, the former NPR editor and reporter who pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography, has been let off without prison time by a federal judge. Bill O'Reilly, call your office.

Just when it seemed you couldn't possibly dig up another person to despise Paul McCartney's ex, Heather Mills, the lady's own publicist has just quit in a hilarious-and wordy-fit. Mills' former flack, Michele Elyzabeth, says the trouble started when Mills accused her of working on a tell-all book. "She was screaming and yelling, 'Is it true that you're writing a book about me?' I told her that it wasn't true, and she went bonkers... She was screaming so loud, she told whoever she was with to leave the room. She was yelling, 'I am tired of you, you're so stupid! You're so unprofessional.'"