*******PRECIOUS SILENCE*******

In most places, walking, the fundamental process of mobility for humans, is an indispensable activity, on par with breathing. In Los Angeles it is a crime, with an associated $200 fine.

Liberals love Subaru cars. In certain woodsy towns filled with wealthy former hippies, Subarus have long been the default automobile. So why is the company now mocking public transportation, the most hallowed of elite coastal liberal institutions?

In my day, if you wanted to buy a car, you just opened up the "newspaper" to the "classified ads" section and looked under "used cars." (Later, you had to find some money also.) Things change. These days, none of those things in quotation marks exist any more.

Europe, an expensive overseas cooking school populated by pussies, is still busy finding ever more outrageous ways to offend American sensibilities. First, it was the whole WWII thing, which we had to go straighten out ourselves. Then there was Monty Python. (Was he making fun of us? I think he was making fun of us.) And now, these Eurotrash types are too good to buy cars, all of a sudden.

Yesterday afternoon, FOX 17 reporter Abbey Sloan—who I graduated high school with!—visited an auto repair shop to report on a 50-60 car pileup in Mecosta, Michigan. Instead, she witnessed (and recorded) an angry customer's dangerous destruction. Yikes!

Stop whatever it is you're doing right now and watch this immediately, because it just won Super Bowl Sunday. It's the Eminem-starring ad for the Chrysler 200—"Imported From Detroit"—and it's a goose bump-inducing work of pure art.

On Super Bowl Sunday, consumers are bombarded with highly produced television advertisements. Many get lost in the shuffle. This ad for the Chevy Cruze, which offers real-time Facebook status updates via OnStar, stood out—for all the wrong reasons.

Don't try this at home! Actually, don't try it anywhere—ever. Anyway, here's a four-minute video of a Nicaraguan school bus driver literally fording a raging river. Twice! (The bus is full, by the way.) Brave? Idiot? Brave idiot?

Here's a video that someone took over the course of an hour of a roundabout in Erfurt, Germany. After recording the massive, embarrassing confusion that occurred during the hour, our videographer edited it down to the best (worst) two-and-a-half minutes.

Here's some amateur video that was taken today in New York City's Brooklyn Heights neighborhood. Watch as sanitation workers attempt to free a snowbound front loader—and destroy a nearby Ford Explorer in the process. 2010's blizzard claims another!

Here's a news report out of Karachi, Pakistan that features nineteen—yes, nineteen—college girls stuffing themselves into a Smart Car in order to be inducted into the Guinness Book of World Records, because why the hell not? Watch inside.

The Police Academy in Katowice, Poland's recent budget cuts have left its students without fuel for their vehicles. The upside? The trainees now have a way to simulate very low-speed chases—by pushing the cars by hand! Watch inside.

Last week, Heng Song was tending to a client in his Anchorage, Alaska barber shop when a Jeep suddenly made its way through the front door. But that didn't stop Song—mere seconds later, he went back to clipping!

In Soviet Russia, trucks don't drive around water—they drive through water! Or so it appears in this predictably insane video, featuring nearly three minutes of Russian truck drivers—and their vehicles of choice—plowing through seemingly unmaneuverable roadways. Watch inside.

It's the Monday after a holiday. Naturally, everybody is a bit off. Sort of like this Mitsubishi 3G Eclipse, which—after some freezing rain in Minnesota last week—tried (and failed) to park on a nearly flat driveway. Watch inside.

Today, Oprah Winfrey gave a second audience a bunch of stuff during the finale of her "Ultimate Favorite Things" extravaganza. The final gift? The completely redesigned, unreleased 2012 Volkswagen Beetle. It's official: Oprah is more powerful than God. Watch inside.

At first sight, there doesn't seem to be anything remarkable about this—just some surveillance footage of a car about to park in front of a shop. But wait! Because instead of parking... well, watch and see what happens.

On Friday, Elizabeth Crull was arrested for DUI after crashing her car into a school bus in Orlando, Florida. Moments after the crash, Crull gave an... enlightening (read: still drunk) interview to a local news crew. Watch—and laugh—inside.

In what is probably some sort of "viral ad," a bunch of Chinese stunt drivers created a track to resemble a game of Pac-Man—and then played it using a bunch of Chevy Cruzes. Watch the action unfold inside.