Actor Austin Nichols, who recently rose to prominence playing the titular, gibberish-talking drifter in HBO's recently canceled spiritual surfing allegory (we think?) John From Cincinnati, was stopped early this morning on suspicion of driving under the influence near his family's vacation home in Michigan. From the Jackson Citizen Patriot report:

"Oh No They Didn't" is alleging that chef Chris Fischer is Jake Gyllenhaal's boyfriend—Fischer was (perhaps still is?) a sous chef at Babbo. The two were most recently spotted running a race on Martha's Vineyard. That is so clearly gay! (That was sarcastic.) There are two camps of crazy gays these days: the other camp thinks that Jake and actor Austin Nichols were until recently dating. But we're going to go with Chris (even though his people have also been heard defending Chris and Jake's relationship by saying that they've been friends since childhood), because, clearly, Jake has had a thing for chefs for forever.