Caity: I probably go to the Armani store seventy to eighty times a week, but this was my first trip to the restaurant.

Lilo stole the formula for her spray-tan product and passed on a starring role in The Hangover, Britney Spears visits the Eiffel Tower, Mischa Barton's wisdom teeth are making her bloated and Megan Fox steps out in an Armani dress.

Twilight's Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are pregnant, Angelina Jolie and David Beckham are starring in an Armani ad together, Britney's sporting a new "spare tire," Michael Bay made Megan Fox wash his Ferrari and Joyce DeWitt got a DUI.

• A look around Ward III in Tribeca, which opens tomorrow night. [GS]
• Lever House on Park Avenue will reopen as "Casa Lever" this fall. [NYP]
• Frank Bruni downgrades JGV's Spice Market in the Times today, giving the spot owned by the "clone-happy" chef one star instead of two. [NYT]
• The New Yorker's Lauren Collins doesn't have anything good to say about the Armani restaurant located inside the designer's Fifth Ave flagship. [NYer]
• Ryan Sutton is of a similar mindset, concluding that Montenapo, "like Armani Ristorante across town, serves mediocre hotel-Italian at absurd prices. [BN]
• Restaurant Girl gives Monkey Bar (otherwise known as "Graydon Carter's uptown dinner party) two stars out of five in the News this week. Over on her own site, she sits down with Keith McNally for a chat. [NYDN, RG]
• Lobster prices haven't been this low in more than 20 years, FYI. [Atlantic]
• Gansevoort Café opens in the former Florent space next month and the dining conglomerate New York City Restaurant Group will have a hand in it. [TFB]

♦ Armani has signed Victoria Beckham to appear in the new campaign for Emporio Armani underwear. You'll have to wait until spring '09 to see the Mert and Marcus-shot ads. [WWD]
♦ He's not crazy, he's just, uh, spiritual: Elton John apparently only eats off Versace crockery because he believes "the designer's spirit lives in every plate." [NYP via Racked]
♦ Narciso Rodriguez doesn't talk about his recent split with Liz Claiborne, but he does share a bit about his forthcoming book which will be published by Rizzoli later this month. [stylefile]
♦ Finally! Nicole Richie's jewelry line is now on sale. [The Cut]

• Is Jovovich-Hawk over? Milla Jovovich tells Lucky magazine she's finished with the line. [The Cut]

This may come as a shock, but we have some troubling news to report: it seems that the Double Dating, Non-Eating foursome of Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and power duo Posh 'n Becks differ in one key regard. As opposed to TomKat's demure sartorial choices, from their first public motorcycle ride to their wedding attire to Katie’s current desire to wear dresses with hemlines as long as possible, their British counterparts just love showing us some skin. As People reports, frosty-locked David has been confirmed to appear in yet another glossy ad campaign for Armani, in which the soccer star will continue to contort his Adonis body into poses highlighting his too-good-to-be-true physical assets. Since the new pictures coincide with recently released oddball shots taken of permanently deadpan wife Victoria Beckham for Marc Jacobs’ Spring/Summer print campaign, we took a nostalgic (and arousing) look back at just how many times the Beckhams have admirably sold their bodies for bundles of cash. Enjoy the various real and fake body parts belonging to Britain’s most rare creation: a real live hot couple.

If there's one thing a mobile phone does not need, it's a "Philosophy." If there's another thing a mobile phone does not need, it's a luxury brand above and beyond whatever the brand is of the actual phone manufacturer. Of course this means that today any asshole with $550 burning a hole in his pocket can buy a Samsung phone by Giorgio Armani. Has Armani suddenly hired a team of engineers who have built a revolutionary new microchip that maximizes the phone's performance? No, Armani has done what he does best: Print his name in little letters on the phone, then wildly increase the price. This type of product's success (still going strong after six months) says a lot about the human need for validation through conspicuous consumption. But more importantly, it says that any old nonsensical piece of marketing copy can now be passed off as a statement of "Philosophy":

Evidence that bobbed, steely Vogue editor Anna Wintour is out of her gourd: She believes that John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama are all "superheroes." For being a P.O.W., or a woman, or a black, or whatever. Hey, okay. But one man in fashion is not standing for the whole environment of fear surrounding Wintour, which makes it impossible for anyone remotely connected with the industry to insult her. Giorgio Armani says: Who cares about that crazy lady?

Disturbing foreign trend of the moment that threatens to erode the American way of life: Evolution of the luxury men's underwear market. It seems that fashion brands have decided to use sophisticated advertising techniques to persuade American men to buy underwear that is new, expensive, and not sold in 3-packs at stores whose names end in "Mart." Oh, that's a good thing, you say? We could stand to be a little more stylish down there? What's a few more dollars to impress your significant other when you drop your drawers? See how enthusiastic you are when you wake up one day in the not-too-distant future and realize that we are slowly being morphed into Australian man-whores. (Warning: close-ups of clothed packages after the jump)

This week New York brought us a ton of the relevant-to-our-lives news that we've come to expect from them, but perhaps the most pertinent item of all was the interview with Giorgio Armani's niece Roberta, who will be hosting the Young Artists' Ball at the Guggenheim (you've already decided who you'll be wearing, right?) This lady handles VIP relations for her uncle's business, which means she get to interact with TomKat and stuff. She's also, let's be honest, the oldest 36 year old we've ever seen. So we were surprised, a little, when we came to this part of the interview: