Famous war-loving ex-Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is generally considered the greatest pianist in (White House) history. Last night she brought her skills to Philadelphia, backing Aretha Franklin at a fundraiser. Look at her go! Why aren't they constantly touring?

Oksana and Mel's troubles began at an Australian placenta ceremony. Lawyers bug Lindsay Lohan to testify about her strip search. Zac Efron blows $2000 on booze and strippers. Heidi Montag is missing. Wednesday gossip is a hot mess.

[Michelle Obama ambled down her block to the Smithsonian today to donate her inaugural gown by Jason Wu to the museum's collection where it will not be upstaged by Aretha Franklin's hat. Image via Getty

Remember that awesome Snickers commercial, starring Betty White and Abe Vigoda, that aired during the Super Bowl? Well, a new one—featuring Aretha Franklin and Liza Minnelli—is about to be rolled out. And it's good. Really good! Video, inside.

2009 had its fair share of things that didn't go exactly according to plan. F-bombs, dry-humping, real humping, and lots of unforeseen stupidity. Here are the 12 best things that weren't supposed to happen on TV, but luckily, they did.

[The network trotted out big guns Rob Thomas, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Zach Levi, Jane Krakowski, Michael Buble, and another selection from Aretha Franklin's curious hat collection for the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree lighting ceremony last night. Image via Getty]

She started the year with the now infamous giant ribboned hat and finished it off by performing "Joy to the World" in a giant fur headwrap. What could she bring to the world in 2010?

The Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice & Human Rights is holding a celebrity auction to raise money for the non-profit organization. And they've lined up an impressive collection of items. Any interest in paying a visit to the set of Larry King's show in LA? Not only will you get a chance to make small talk with the 114-year-old host, he'll also take off his suspenders, sign them, and let you take them home with you. Act fast, though. The bidding is up to $1,500. If that doesn't tickle your fancy, perhaps you'd like to "enjoy" (their words, not ours) a 20-minute phone chat with Suze Orman? Do note, though, that you'll need to bid a minimum of $1,000.

Sarah Jessica Parker is turning 44 today. Gloria Steinem turns 75. Elton John is 62. Daniel Boulud is turning 54. Socialite Arden Wohl turns 26. Matthew Barney is 42. Eileen Ford is 87. Aretha Franklin turns 67. Marcia Cross is 47. Today Show film critic Gene Shalit is turning 77. Katharine McPhee is 25. Race car driver Danica Patrick turns 27. The rapper Juvenile is turning 34. And actress Lark Voorhies, best known as Lisa Turtle on Saved by the Bell, is turning 35.

• A camera crew followed Rachel Zoe around during Paris Fashion Week, which means the second season of her Bravo reality show is headed your way. [FWD]
• Dov Charney's cash-strapped American Apparel is selling 18 percent of the company to a private equity firm to pay down some of its debt. [BN]
• The hat Aretha Franklin wore to the inauguration in January? More than 5,000 orders have been placed since then. At $179 a pop, no less. [NYT]
• Video of Karl Lagerfeld at Paris Fashion Week. [NYM]
• What's Sofia Coppola up to these days? She's directing perfume ads for Dior, that's what. [NYT/The Moment]
• Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone are on their way to Brazil for a little post-fashion season R&R, in case you're interested. [FWD]
• LA Fashion Week begins tonight! [Racked, Stylefile]

The moment Aretha Franklin stepped out at the Obamanaugural, people went nuts over the structured beret with large bow" she wore. Now Luke Song, Franklin's longtime Detroit milliner, is getting actual orders for actual hats!

When President Obama was sworn in, Aretha Franklin's hat appeared to sing My Country Tis of Thee. Ms. Franklin, not a small woman, disappeared under its heft.

• The Max Azria dress that Angelina Jolie wore to the SAG Awards? She wore it backwards. [NYM]
• Marc Jacobs is slashing the guest list for his Feb. 16th show. [WWD]
• Target has a temporary McQueen shop planned for next month. [Racked]
• The backstory on why Fabien Baron was pushed out at Interview. [WWD]
• Jane Mayle's store isn't closing; it will be around through April. [Pipeline]
• Two brands doing well despite the recession: H&M and Mango. [WWD]
• Aretha Franklin's inauguration hat is Smithsonian-bound. [SW]

• Two people very happy this evening: Jason Wu, who designed Michelle Obama's one-shoulder white chiffon gown; and Isabel Toledo, of course, who was responsible for the lemongrass-yellow coat and matching dress that Michelle wore to the inauguration. [NYT, AP, WWD]
• As for Malia and Sasha's outfits—and Michelle's olive gloves—don't go searching for them at J. Crew just yet. The pieces won't be available to the general public until fall. [Reuters]
• Trousergate, fashion's latest catfight: Giorgio Armani has accused Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana of copying his quited trousers; bitchy comments on both sides have followed. [Guardian]
• A first look at Alexander McQueen's new line for Target. [Nylon]
• News flash: There aren't that many blacks on the catwalks these days. [NYT]
• Profits are up at Burberry, but the company is still cutting staff. [WSJ]
• Aretha Franklin's inaugural hat can be yours for $179. [WWD]

• Is Jennifer Lopez getting ready to say goodbye to Marc Anthony? She neglected to wear her wedding ring to a premiere last week, which obviously means her marriage is now "at a breaking point." [Us, The Sun]
• Jeremy Piven is heading home. Just two months after arriving on Broadway (and after showing up late to performances and skipping matinees), he says he now plans to return to LA because he's suffering from some sort of "mysterious mercury ailment." [NYP]
• Good news for anyone going to the inauguration: Alec Baldwin says he plans to stay home and watch it on TV. [MSNBC]

♦ Angelina Jolie can be seen breastfeeding on the cover of the upcoming issue of W. Brad Pitt is the one who took the pics. He's also the one who convinced Angie to have kids of her own, she says. [NYDN, People]
♦ A judge denied Christie Brinkley's request for a temporary restraining order that would bar Peter Cook for seeing their kids this weekend. He did rule that Cook cannot "expose" them to his 20/20 interview. [People]
♦ Sarah Palin is set to appear on SNL on October 25th. [Cindy Adams]

Michelle Williams going on a coffee run in Brooklyn with her mom Carla and daughter Matilda ... Aretha Franklin waving to fans on her way out of a Midtown hotel ... ... Katie Holmes and Suri going to a paint-your-own-pottery shop on the Upper East Side ... America Ferrera getting out of a limo on the set of Ugly Betty ... Brandon Davis standing on the sidewalk and talking on his cell .... Taylor Hicks signing autographs outside his Broadway show ... Gisele Bundchen heading into Spa Belles ... and the cast of The Real World: Brooklyn on St. Mark's Place.

The news concerning the New York real estate market isn't terribly upbeat—the Times reported over the weekend that resale prices at certain chic New York City developments (like 40 Bond and the Time Warner Center) are dipping—but the situation seems to be a whole lot worse if you're a celeb who reached your prime a decade or two ago. The celebrity foreclosure club now includes Jose Canseco, Michael Jackson, Latrell Sprewell, Ed McMahon, Aretha Franklin, Don Johnson, and Evander Holyfield. Celebreality to the rescue! [Luxist]